A Messed Up Pedicure

Today, I got a pedicure with my mama. It's tradition, I've never gotten a pedicure without her (although she's probably gotten some without me) and it's just a little bit of relaxing time for us.
For those of you who have never gotten a pedicure.......you sit on a comfy chair for about an hour-ish while someone scrubs your feet, cuts your toenails, and repaints your toenails, often adding a flower/jewel/design for an additional fee.

After the pedicure, I went shopping for new flip flops, something I probably should have done before the pedicure. I went to Target and was trying on a pair of shoes, attempting to be very careful but of course, I messed up my pedicure. The cute little jewel came off when the shoe came off. Now really, this wasn't a big deal at all but I was just annoyed. I was annoyed because my mom had spent a good chunk of money and I had JUST gotten the pedicure literally two hours ago and I already messed it up. Lovely.


Well, I decided to go back in. The nail salons are normally nice and understanding and will fix it for you. As I walked back in, every worker and all six ladies getting their nails done looked at me. I muttered out to the receptionist who I had seen 1 hour and a half earlier, kinda ashamed, that I had messed up my pedicure and she nodded to Linda, who had just perfected a pretty good looking pedicure on my feet. Linda looked at me and said, "Messed up?" And I reddened, and the receptionist said yes. She didn't ask what happened. She sat me down, wheeled her cart over, added a new jewel and helped me put my flip flops back on.  I was done in a matter of minutes.
I jumped back in my car, turned on my music, blaring, and started driving away. A few minutes later, I started thinking about this incident...and was hit pretty hardcore with some thoughts, enough that I turned off my music (which, if you know me, is unthinkable) during the drive home.

Repentance is just like a messed up pedicure.

When I walked into the nail salon, I felt awkward. I had just been in there two hours before! I knew they would recognize me. To make it worse, the receptionist acknowledge my mistake and I felt pretty embarrassed. But Linda just sat me down and within minutes, it was fixed.

We try our whole lives just to be good people. We aim for perfection, but as humans, we know perfection is just not possible.  When we make mistakes, we feel bad and sometimes awkward especially if it's a mistake that we keep making. We think that people will judge us and see us as "less-Christian" than the perfect family who sits in front of us every week at church. But our Heavenly Father does not judge us. He sits us down, acknowledges the mistake but the second that we repent, He remembers our mistake no more.  When we acknowledge our mistake, ask for forgiveness, and pray to our Heavenly Father, the mistake is gone and we can start over.

I'm grateful for this guidance and direction I received from Heavenly Father. I can't remember where I heard this quote but there was a speaker who said that repenting from our sins is uncomfortable for a second and in return, we receive eternal happiness.  I am no where never perfect and I know that repenting from our sins will let us return to live with our Father in Heaven after this life. I know that these things are true and I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I'm a Mormon-I know it, I live it and I love it!

The Edge of Light

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life springs lemons on you all of the sudden when you were looking for oranges, what do you do??

Once upon a time, I had a life plan for myself. I don't remember when this life plan was planned but I think it's natural for all of us to have an ideal life plan. Most probably go like this: education, college, a "real job," marriage, family, retirement, etc. For the longest time, I always wanted to go to BYU. Now, I'm there and I'm almost done. 21 credits left. WOW. Where did the time go? 

The wonderful thing about life (especially in these emerging adulthood years) is that your life plans will be tossed around, flipped upside down, and turned sideways until you can't recall what you ever planned. It seems like every time we make plans, they somehow change and you're left scrambling around, wondering what to do and how to do it.

If that doesn't sum up the last six months of my life, then I don't know what does.

I'm stuck in this phase of life where I have so many options. Every option that I could plan for my life are good options...hence why trying to make a life plan has been so hard. Every time someone asks me what's going on in my life I literally have nothing to say and am lost until they provide some questions that I can sometimes answer. 

Well, during May and June up in Provo, let's just say it was rough. Life threw me a curveball and in all honesty, I didn't know how to handle it. I was scared, I was hurt and I felt very alone. Of course, shoutout to my friends, roommates, and family who were there for me, but, I was a mess. I took a day or two to have my "woe is me" days until I was back on my feet. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder, "why me?" Now, I know that is the worse thing to ask yourself when you're going through a trial....but I did. I'll be honest. One night, during my evening prayer, I was crying out why me? And seconds later, I was humbled by realizing that life could be a lot worse. Anyway, I digress.

Let's get to the point of this post. During that time, I was sitting in Sunday School when my teacher put up this quote. The preface to this post is that Elder Boyd K. Packer goes looking for counsel, receives the counsel from the President of the Church (David O. McKay), and then did not immediately follow the counsel. Elder Harold B. Lee then counsels Elder Packer with this statement.

“The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning....You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.” 

Whoa. If that wasn't what I needed to hear and need to be reminded of on a daily basis.  As a member of the church, I have a hard time with this. I want my Heavenly Father to let me know that every decision I make is good and right and most of the time, I want some kind of physical proof that the decision is good and right. However, that's not what life is for. We were sent to this Earth to make mistakes, to learn and to exercise our agency.  While Heavenly Father can help us receive guidance and help us with decisions, He is not going to hold our hand through the process.

While thinking about this over the past few months, I asked a friend on a mission for some guidance.  He practically told me the same thing but in easier words. His counsel for decisions is to act. Once you start acting, you will know if the decision is right or wrong. 

As I begin this school year, I have a resolution to walk in faith near the edge of light. In this phase of life, I will have many decisions to make and I need to start acting. With action, confirmation of my life plans will come, through adequate prayer and scripture study. I am so grateful for my membership in this church, to know that I can rely on my Heavenly Father and act for myself in order to find my path.

Calling for a Return to the Basics

Well, I'm finally blowing off the dust from my computer and decided to write again.

July is almost over. Where did the time go? I've had an AMAZING month, with two back to back vacations. First, a cruise with my best friend Alex to Mexico, Belize, Honduras, and Cayman Islands (just in case you didn't know, or you don't follow me religiously on Facebook/Instagram). Second, a super fun family reunion in Park City with 32 of us living in one three story house. Insanity? Oh yes. But like previous years, we made memories that will last a lifetime, including alpine slides, Seven Peaks, amazing food, and a Park City picture scavenger hunt. It was a great time!

So after this fun month, I realized that I haven't been myself lately. And why not? I have been having the time of my life and the fun never seems to stop. I am blessed with great health, family, friends, and really, my ever need is covered. I didn't notice it until recently that I'm happy but something was wrong.

For instance, the other day, I started overanalyzing everything in my life and I lost it. I was thinking waaaay too much and had to make some life decisions and quick. I've been putting them off for way too long but I was scared. So I started to reflect about what I learned at school during spring semester.

My spring semester was rough. My life was turned upside down twice and I wouldn't have made it through without the support of my family (especially my mama) and the support of my friends (especially my MTC friends). I found myself "alone" and afraid. Everything had suddenly changed and I was hurting. I felt like no one understood me and no one knew what I was going through. People reached out to me and I appreciated that but I still felt alone.

There was one night in particular that I was walking to return a redbox movie and I lost it. I completely fell apart and no one was there--literally. I was alone in my apartment and my family was over 600 miles away. But that night will always be one that I will remember. I called my mom and she reminded me what I needed to do. I needed to pray. I got off the phone, still pretty upset, and prayed. I prayed for comfort, I prayed for enlightenment and I prayed for strength. And within that moment, I felt peace. I felt comfort. And for the second time in my life, I felt the physical presence of someone there, when I was completely alone. I knew I wasn't alone. And as I sat there for a bit, I knew that someone was there in my hour of need. My Savior, Jesus Christ, has suffered for all the pains I have, will, and will continue to feel in this imperfect life we live. I was then again reminded to do the things I needed to do.

All was this was happening, I had received my first "real" calling--relief society teacher. And boy, did I love it! I'm hoping to return to it in fall *fingers crossed* because I never realized how much I love teaching. Not only do I love being able to affect my fellow church members' Sundays but I love how each lesson is somehow meant for me. Well, the first lesson I taught was all about something very fundamental to the gospel of Jesus Christ- the Book of Mormon. I sat there though, writing my first ever lesson and thinking about how in the past, everyone who teaches says that the lesson is perfect for them. It hit me. I hadn't been reading my scriptures. The past year, I had been pretty good about reading, as I would use it for nightly motivation to talk on the phone. But with everything that had happened, I had lost focus.

Well, it is my strong belief that the gospel of Jesus Christ can be very simple. Everyone always jokes about the "Sunday School" answers but, personally speaking, those Sunday School answers can take us to salvation. By merely reading scriptures, praying and attending church, you are staying on the path to salvation and ultimately, eternal life.

This lead me to my motto for spring semester. Get ready for this, it's super super deep and thought provoking..

Return to the Basics.

Wow, Megan, that is way too complicated for me to understand...said no one EVER.

As I looked back on my life, all the rough patches have one thing in common....I stopped doing the basics. I slacked on my scripture study, I wasn't regular with my prayers and I didn't have MEANINGFUL church attendance. (I fully believe that you get out of church what you put into it.)

So back to this month. I have had the best month of my life...according to Fakebook and Instagram. According to the facts, I should be overly happy and excited for life around me. But why haven't I been truly happy? I stopped doing the basics. I stopped my personal growth and I stopped trying to better myself. I stopped talking to my Heavenly Father and searching the Book of Mormon nightly. I stopped attending church with a purpose. I haven't been myself because I forgot the basics. I forgot how to be a true follower of Jesus Christ.

So, basically, I invite you out there who is reading this to continue to return to the basics. And if you have ANY questions about the LDS church or what I believe in, please leave your comments or fill up my Facebook inbox because being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the biggest blessing I have in my life. I love it. I can't imagine my life without the knowledge I have, or without having a loving Heavenly Father who listens and answers my prayers. But, I can't have those blessings with returning to the basics nor can I experience true happiness and knowledge of who I am. I know I will never be perfect in this life, but I can try each day to be a little bit better than the day before.

Sooo....I guess I need a new blog title...

When I created this blog, I really wasn't anywhere close to getting married and I didn't want to...nor did I have any intention on going on a mission. It's funny how quickly Heavenly Father helps you change your life plans....

Let's start with some background. I'm twenty years old and I'm finishing my third year at BYU. I am one of the "few" surviving girls at BYU who didn't leave on a mission when President Monson lowered the missionary age. I'm one of those girls who watched five of her best friends from freshman year leave, all of her guy friends from freshman year leave (as they should) and had to make new friends and essentially start my college social career over. I grew a lot in that time....but it's been hard.

Alright, rewind...the day before the October General Conference 2012, I was in the temple, pondering life and got a strong impression that one day, I would raise sons to serve missions. I looked up and across the fount, there were three little boys, getting ready to be baptized. I started crying. I wrote down that impression and added that I probably wouldn't serve a mission but thought that this revelation meant that I'd be married soon. Keep in mind, I added that. I just got the impression I would raise boys to go on missions.

The next day was general conference and my world was turned upside down when President Monson lowered the missionary age. I had had that experience the day before, literally hours. I prayed and never got an answer to go so I stayed at BYU. I supported my girl friends who left and wrote missionaries every Sunday. I helped some of my guy friends get going and I watched missionary work change lives. 

Fast forward to November 2013. I went home for Thanksgiving weekend and it was a testimony meeting. A girl in my ward had just received her mission call and her father bore his testimony about missions. On my way to the airport, my father asked me if I had thought anymore about a mission. I was upset that he asked me--God had given me revelation and I wasn't going to receive a different answer. I lamented to my roommates and to Ben, when Ben told me to pray about it. I was scared out of my mind so I didn't for a few weeks. When I finally began to pray, I was even more scared when I got a peaceful feeling. I wanted to be completely sure that this was right, so I continued to study and think about it.

Around January, I knew was suppose to go. I started getting excited and nervous and scared and happy at times. But the newest problem was trying to figure out timing. I thought it would be smart to go after finishing my last year at school but for some reason, that didn't feel right. It wasn't until a few weeks later that Hayley did not get into BYU. I cried hard that night, I felt so sad for her. I remember calling Ben and he told me that I needed to go into my closet and pray. Pray for guidance and for Hayley to be comforted and what this meant for my life. I got off the phone and went into my room and poured out my soul. I felt like Enos, praying all night, even though it was probably only 15 minutes. But this was the hardest I had ever prayed in my life. When I got up, I knew that I was not suppose to leave until after Hayley and I had could have one semester together. But I still wanted to be sure.

Well, two weeks ago, I was sitting in the temple when I had the same impression about raising sons to go on missions. I looked up once more and noticed that there were six deacons, sitting and waiting to get baptized. However, I added the latest revelation together and realized that I am going on a mission to raise my sons to serve a mission as well as to serve the people and share the gospel. I can honestly say that I am scared out of my mind but still so excited. I will be finishing my papers this fall semester and hopefully leaving in January 2015.

I am so grateful that Heavenly Father in His wisdom did not completely answer my prayer back in October. I feel like I have grown a lot in that time as well as learned to meet new friends, talk to people, and live with strangers. I am so excited for the experiences that await me and cannot wait to spread this amazing gospel of joy and happiness.

I Need Thee Every Hour

Sitting in Sunday School today, I heard another room in the MARB singing I Need Thee Every Hour and I couldn't help but reflect.

"I need thee every hour
In joy or pain
Come quickly and abide
Or life is vain.
I need thee O I need thee
Every hour I need thee
Oh bless me now my Savior
I come to thee."

A year ago today, I was sitting in a ward in Falcon, Colorado. Three of my friends and I had taken a break from school to visit our friend who was about to leave on a mission. I was bummed that the weekend had gone by so fast and was not looking forward to coming back to school. After church, we headed back home, opting for a route through Wyoming. We stopped along the way at the driver's house in Laramie. The second we got back in the car, for some reason, I felt uneasy and couldn't shake the feeling.

About 30 minutes later, the driver drifted off the side of the road. In effort to correct herself, she over corrected into the next lane, heading straight for a semi truck. Again, she over corrected and we veer off the freeway completely.

Wverything went quiet. When the car had stopped rolling, my ears were ringing and the first noise I recognized was my own breathing. My friend sitting next to me unbuckled my seat belt and started pulling glass out of my hair. He asked me if I was okay and I couldn't answer. I had gone into complete shock and all I knew was my back was killing me. The windows were broken and a few cars had stopped and someone threw blankets on me, to shield us from the cold wind. I began to cry.

The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I was taken in an ambulance to the ER about 40 minutes away. I badly wanted my parents with me. I cried a lot and even though I was surrounded by friends, people who cared about me and emergency personnel, I felt very alone and scared.

A miracle had happened, as after x rays, nothing was broken and no one else was seriously hurt from the crash. I knew I was in bad shape as moving brought severe pain. I would find out later that I had torn ligaments in my neck and the alignment of my back was no longer straight. But I was alive. That night as I closed my eyes, the dreams began. I could see the accident, feel the pain and didn't sleep at all. I remember crying, alone in the hotel room.

After we made it back to Provo, I knew my life would be different. I couldn't walk fast and even at the slowest pace, every step hurt. I was overwhelmed by the love and support that came my way. I put on a face and was going to be that brave survivor of a tragedy. But inside, I was hurt, confused and so alone.

The first day back at school was a particular hard day. As I collapsed into my seat in New Testament, we began to sing I Need Thee Every Hour. I couldn't make it through the first line. I cried, ashamed of myself. I had failed to recognized that I am never alone and needed Christ every hour, in joy and more importantly, pain.

That night, while scared to go to sleep and unable to fall asleep from the constant pain, I got on my knees and prayed the hardest I ever had in my life. I prayed for strength, for comfort, and for understanding. I prayed that I wouldn't be alone. And in those moments of deep despair, I felt arms surround me.

In those dark moments, I knew that my Savior Jesus Christ knew that I was struggling and He was lifting me up, reminding me that I am never alone.

I bear testimony that we are never alone. We are children of a loving Heavenly Father who sent His Son to die for us, to pay for our sins and every pain we have ever felt. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only one who truly knows how we feel at all time and He is ready to help us at every hour, as long as we let him in.

Emerging Adulthood

“It seems to me that the years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult – but you are not ready.”

There's a new phenomenon going on in the world today and I have mixed opinions. However, I find it applicable to my life and suuuper interesting.
In sociology, there's a man named Jeffery Arnett who has devoted his current research to this phenomenon. Emerging Adulthood, he says, is the period of time from about age 18 and could go onto about age 25 where adolescents grow, experiment, learn, work, go to school, create romantic relationships, etc. It's a time period of self interest, where adolescents or young adults live alone and are independent.
This change is super apparent in the world as marriage is losing its value and cohabitation (a very selfish trend, IMHO, more on that another time) is the new way to live life. After college, these emerging adults either go onto more school or into a career, while thoughts about "settling down" are far from their mind.

Jeffery Arnett

This "worldly" view strongly contrasts two viewpoints in my life. Let's start with the generation gap. All of the emerging adults right now have parents who most likely married out of college or still in college, who had parents that married without college or during college. These past two generations married young and there's nothing wrong with that. With the economy, war times, religious expectations, etc., it just made sense. That's the way it had been and that's the way it was going to be. But with the change in technology, modern advances, and failing economy, it might not make a lot of sense to get married so young. The generational gaps, however,  makes life for these emerging adults complicated. With the different viewpoints floating around, it can be hard to sort through what is right for one and what is works for each individual, especially if parents don't always approve of said choices.
However, the one I'm finding more friction is my religion. Let me start by saying that the one major goal I'm working for in my life is marriage, especially to a worthy LDS man in the temple. But...with the way things are going with the world, there is *some* change in my LDS religion. The average age of marriage has strongly increased in the world but it has also gone up in the church. My parenting and child guidance teacher always tells us that for fun we should ask students on campus what is the perfect age to get married. He swears that we will find that most people will say age 25. And that's in the church. Although, recently, he commented that this is interesting, because with the recent age change in mission age, he would suggest that the prophets and leaders of our church are trying to tell young people to go on a mission and come back and married (which means boys leaving on missions at age 18 should get married at age 20...).

This is all very interesting to me. I'm not saying it's good or bad. But what I am saying is...why is it so wrong if I leave BYU unmarried? For my first two years of school, I felt this pressure to get married and find "the one." However, I rarely went on dates. I had my share of guy friends but dating was just not happening. And that's okay. But because of that, I think I have a mindset of I don't have enough experience to get married right now. If I could pick my future spouse and we could be married tomorrow, there's no way. I'm not ready.

So...what's the rush? I have things I want to do and I can't go live in Africa and research if I'm married. I think the Mormon culture and everyday people need to be more aware of the changing times. I think it's different for everyone. But as for me, I need time to explore. I need to make my own decisions and maybe even my own mistakes. As life is a time to learn, I plan to make every minute a time to learn, whether I'm in school, at work, or just watching people on the bus.

In the words of C.S. Lewis,
“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn.”

2013 in Review

It's that time of the year again. A time for reflecting. A time of joy. A time of happiness. A time to recount blessings, to make resolutions and to reevaluate our lives.
Here's to 2013, the year where everything changed.

In reality, it was 2012 when I knew my life would be a bit different. After the prophet of my church changed the missionary age, I knew things would be different, as did everyone else. But I didn't think things would affect me as much. 

Now, looking back, I have been given new opportunities and blessings from those changes. This year, many of my friends left to serve the Lord which scared me. I don't like change and I didn't like the thought of making new friends...again. Luckily, my Father in Heaven knows that too and brought my new roommates and friends into my life, where we instantly clicked and I can't imagine if I would have met these amazing examples in my life without the change.

It seems like forever ago...but it was only 11 months ago that I was in my life - changing car accident. I knew in that instant that things would be different. However, from that experience, I realized how people all over really care. I knew that before but the out pouring of love, empathy, and help I received reinforced that idea. My physical health comes and goes but I have made an effort to be grateful every time I go running or walk to campus or even get comfortable in bed every night. Yes, I'm not perfect and I still complain my head off but hey, there's a new years resolution!

From my car accident, I learned a lot about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In those nights when I was alone and hurting, I turned to my Savior who suffered for me personally and felt His arms around me. I learned a lot from those experiences. They gave me strength to make changes in my life that I needed. The Atonement is real and it can help everyone. It's not just to make bad people good, but it is equally used to make good people better.

In my studies with sociology this year, I have learned statistics and studies that show the world is becoming a scary place. However, I choose to look for the good in the world. Through my studies, I learned a lot about the people around me and I feel I can better interact with people I come in contact with.

While there are many signs that show the world is increasingly becoming wicked and scary, I know that if we each do our part and become active in our lives, we can find happiness in the darkest of times. I know I have this year. Without darkness, we would never know happiness. Without trials, we would never know the good times. I hope that we realize the good ole days before they leave and we reflect on another year. Goodbye 2013. You were good to me. I welcome 2014 and any changes or challenges that come.