“It seems to me that the years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult – but you are not ready.”
There's a new phenomenon going on in the world today and I have mixed opinions. However, I find it applicable to my life and suuuper interesting.
In sociology, there's a man named Jeffery Arnett who has devoted his current research to this phenomenon. Emerging Adulthood, he says, is the period of time from about age 18 and could go onto about age 25 where adolescents grow, experiment, learn, work, go to school, create romantic relationships, etc. It's a time period of self interest, where adolescents or young adults live alone and are independent.
This change is super apparent in the world as marriage is losing its value and cohabitation (a very selfish trend, IMHO, more on that another time) is the new way to live life. After college, these emerging adults either go onto more school or into a career, while thoughts about "settling down" are far from their mind.
This "worldly" view strongly contrasts two viewpoints in my life. Let's start with the generation gap. All of the emerging adults right now have parents who most likely married out of college or still in college, who had parents that married without college or during college. These past two generations married young and there's nothing wrong with that. With the economy, war times, religious expectations, etc., it just made sense. That's the way it had been and that's the way it was going to be. But with the change in technology, modern advances, and failing economy, it might not make a lot of sense to get married so young. The generational gaps, however, makes life for these emerging adults complicated. With the different viewpoints floating around, it can be hard to sort through what is right for one and what is works for each individual, especially if parents don't always approve of said choices.
However, the one I'm finding more friction is my religion. Let me start by saying that the one major goal I'm working for in my life is marriage, especially to a worthy LDS man in the temple. But...with the way things are going with the world, there is *some* change in my LDS religion. The average age of marriage has strongly increased in the world but it has also gone up in the church. My parenting and child guidance teacher always tells us that for fun we should ask students on campus what is the perfect age to get married. He swears that we will find that most people will say age 25. And that's in the church. Although, recently, he commented that this is interesting, because with the recent age change in mission age, he would suggest that the prophets and leaders of our church are trying to tell young people to go on a mission and come back and married (which means boys leaving on missions at age 18 should get married at age 20...).
This is all very interesting to me. I'm not saying it's good or bad. But what I am saying is...why is it so wrong if I leave BYU unmarried? For my first two years of school, I felt this pressure to get married and find "the one." However, I rarely went on dates. I had my share of guy friends but dating was just not happening. And that's okay. But because of that, I think I have a mindset of I don't have enough experience to get married right now. If I could pick my future spouse and we could be married tomorrow, there's no way. I'm not ready.
So...what's the rush? I have things I want to do and I can't go live in Africa and research if I'm married. I think the Mormon culture and everyday people need to be more aware of the changing times. I think it's different for everyone. But as for me, I need time to explore. I need to make my own decisions and maybe even my own mistakes. As life is a time to learn, I plan to make every minute a time to learn, whether I'm in school, at work, or just watching people on the bus.
In the words of C.S. Lewis,
“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn.”
In sociology, there's a man named Jeffery Arnett who has devoted his current research to this phenomenon. Emerging Adulthood, he says, is the period of time from about age 18 and could go onto about age 25 where adolescents grow, experiment, learn, work, go to school, create romantic relationships, etc. It's a time period of self interest, where adolescents or young adults live alone and are independent.
This change is super apparent in the world as marriage is losing its value and cohabitation (a very selfish trend, IMHO, more on that another time) is the new way to live life. After college, these emerging adults either go onto more school or into a career, while thoughts about "settling down" are far from their mind.
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| Jeffery Arnett |
This "worldly" view strongly contrasts two viewpoints in my life. Let's start with the generation gap. All of the emerging adults right now have parents who most likely married out of college or still in college, who had parents that married without college or during college. These past two generations married young and there's nothing wrong with that. With the economy, war times, religious expectations, etc., it just made sense. That's the way it had been and that's the way it was going to be. But with the change in technology, modern advances, and failing economy, it might not make a lot of sense to get married so young. The generational gaps, however, makes life for these emerging adults complicated. With the different viewpoints floating around, it can be hard to sort through what is right for one and what is works for each individual, especially if parents don't always approve of said choices.However, the one I'm finding more friction is my religion. Let me start by saying that the one major goal I'm working for in my life is marriage, especially to a worthy LDS man in the temple. But...with the way things are going with the world, there is *some* change in my LDS religion. The average age of marriage has strongly increased in the world but it has also gone up in the church. My parenting and child guidance teacher always tells us that for fun we should ask students on campus what is the perfect age to get married. He swears that we will find that most people will say age 25. And that's in the church. Although, recently, he commented that this is interesting, because with the recent age change in mission age, he would suggest that the prophets and leaders of our church are trying to tell young people to go on a mission and come back and married (which means boys leaving on missions at age 18 should get married at age 20...).This is all very interesting to me. I'm not saying it's good or bad. But what I am saying is...why is it so wrong if I leave BYU unmarried? For my first two years of school, I felt this pressure to get married and find "the one." However, I rarely went on dates. I had my share of guy friends but dating was just not happening. And that's okay. But because of that, I think I have a mindset of I don't have enough experience to get married right now. If I could pick my future spouse and we could be married tomorrow, there's no way. I'm not ready.
In the words of C.S. Lewis,
“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn.”
Africa! ♡
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