The Edge of Light

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life springs lemons on you all of the sudden when you were looking for oranges, what do you do??

Once upon a time, I had a life plan for myself. I don't remember when this life plan was planned but I think it's natural for all of us to have an ideal life plan. Most probably go like this: education, college, a "real job," marriage, family, retirement, etc. For the longest time, I always wanted to go to BYU. Now, I'm there and I'm almost done. 21 credits left. WOW. Where did the time go? 

The wonderful thing about life (especially in these emerging adulthood years) is that your life plans will be tossed around, flipped upside down, and turned sideways until you can't recall what you ever planned. It seems like every time we make plans, they somehow change and you're left scrambling around, wondering what to do and how to do it.

If that doesn't sum up the last six months of my life, then I don't know what does.

I'm stuck in this phase of life where I have so many options. Every option that I could plan for my life are good options...hence why trying to make a life plan has been so hard. Every time someone asks me what's going on in my life I literally have nothing to say and am lost until they provide some questions that I can sometimes answer. 

Well, during May and June up in Provo, let's just say it was rough. Life threw me a curveball and in all honesty, I didn't know how to handle it. I was scared, I was hurt and I felt very alone. Of course, shoutout to my friends, roommates, and family who were there for me, but, I was a mess. I took a day or two to have my "woe is me" days until I was back on my feet. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder, "why me?" Now, I know that is the worse thing to ask yourself when you're going through a trial....but I did. I'll be honest. One night, during my evening prayer, I was crying out why me? And seconds later, I was humbled by realizing that life could be a lot worse. Anyway, I digress.

Let's get to the point of this post. During that time, I was sitting in Sunday School when my teacher put up this quote. The preface to this post is that Elder Boyd K. Packer goes looking for counsel, receives the counsel from the President of the Church (David O. McKay), and then did not immediately follow the counsel. Elder Harold B. Lee then counsels Elder Packer with this statement.

“The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning....You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.” 

Whoa. If that wasn't what I needed to hear and need to be reminded of on a daily basis.  As a member of the church, I have a hard time with this. I want my Heavenly Father to let me know that every decision I make is good and right and most of the time, I want some kind of physical proof that the decision is good and right. However, that's not what life is for. We were sent to this Earth to make mistakes, to learn and to exercise our agency.  While Heavenly Father can help us receive guidance and help us with decisions, He is not going to hold our hand through the process.

While thinking about this over the past few months, I asked a friend on a mission for some guidance.  He practically told me the same thing but in easier words. His counsel for decisions is to act. Once you start acting, you will know if the decision is right or wrong. 

As I begin this school year, I have a resolution to walk in faith near the edge of light. In this phase of life, I will have many decisions to make and I need to start acting. With action, confirmation of my life plans will come, through adequate prayer and scripture study. I am so grateful for my membership in this church, to know that I can rely on my Heavenly Father and act for myself in order to find my path.