A Technology Free Christmas

Well, it's that time of year again for changes and resolutions. I had an interesting experience on Christmas that made me wonder what changes I want to make in my life.

A few days before Christmas, I saw someone had liked an article on Facebook talking about liking posts on Facebook. I laughed to myself about the irony and opened the article. The article explained that Facebook has wired our brains to see a post, examine it and "like it" if it has given us pleasant feelings. A picture of a puppy? Automatic like. A picture of a family? Like likity like like. A picture of an engagement ring? A major like plus an totally sincere "congrats" or "way to go, man!" 

The article went on to explain that this woman decided to stop liking posts on Facebook to see if it changed her opinion on likes. She noticed that likes seemed pretty insincere so she allowed herself to comment but no likes. At first, she was worried that her likes would be missed but then learned that it changed the way she Facebook-ed.

Heart warming, right? Well it got me thinking. I'm an avid Facebook-er and an extreme liker on Instagram. Instagram is all about the likes, no one really leaves comments, am I right? Anyway, I was pondering this during winter break and so far, I haven't made any real changes to the way I use social media.

This Christmas was an amazing one, as I really didn't care about the gifts that Santa left me or what my secret Santa cousin got me. Of course, I was very grateful but this month, I was trying hard to focus on the gift of the Savior. I didn't think too hard on what gifts to give others because I was trying to focus on patterning my life after the Savior's life. And it really made all the difference. Instead of sitting back and watching all my little cousins act out the story of Christ's birth, I was able to participate a

s the narrator. I was a little nervous as I have a hard time with words but while I sat there, I really tried to think about why the Savior is so important to me. It was a great day.

Well, Christmas Eve, all of the older cousins and other family members spent a lot of time on our phones, like snapchat and Facebook and such. Lucky for me, my boyfriend decided to give a gift to his mom to put all cell phones in a box on Christmas day, in order to have a phone free Christmas. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to talk to him....haha, I suggested to my family that we do the same. We didn't end up putting our phones in a box but I kept my phone on airplane mode for a majority of the day. I assumed it would be a rough day seeing as I, like so many of my generation, am so attached to my cellular device.

At the end of our Christmas family gift exchange, I got out my phone and turned it on, pretty anxious to see what I had missed. As the notifications came pouring in, I realized, I hadn't really missed much. Yes a text or two and quite a few snapchats but I didn't miss much. That night as I scrolled through Facebook and Instagram, I couldn't help but realize that I wasn't liking as many posts as I normally do.

I wasn't the first "liker" and found myself realizing that my Christmas was much more meaningful and personal than sharing it with hundreds of "my friends" on Facebook and "followers" on Instagram.

As the year begins, I'm not going to promise to stop liking all your posts on Instagram or to stop posting so much on Facebook. But, I do promise to look up from my phone. I want to live my life without the constant distractions from my phone and really enjoy the little things in life. Because in the blink of an eye, those little moments will be gone and all I'll have to show is social media popularity.

Wanted: Fame or Remembrance

Well, I've pretty much come to accept the fact that I will never be famous. It's okay, my feelings aren't hurt that I won't win American Idol (I would NEVER audition), I won't be a professional pool player (no matter how cool this picture is) or I won't discover a new galaxy (I don't know why space travel was ever in my plans--Gravity and Interstellar ruined that for me). But in all seriousness, I'm okay with not being famous. I actually don't think I'd handle fame very well, but that's another story.

But all my life I've had this obsession to be remembered. I want to be one of those people who are talked about after they're dead. I don't need the fame and I don't need to be in history books. I don't need to do something outrageous but maybe something like when I'm gone, my children's children will say "It's like grandma always said...." and then go on to quote some awesome inspirational phrase that I coined through the years. However, that won't happen for years from now. And yet, I want to be remembered now.

I'm in that time of life where I could meet a new person everyday. I go to school where I literally drown because there are so many people. But too often I move around campus as fast as I can with headphones in, not making eye contact with anyone. I find my own table in the library and in the Wilk so I don't have to talk to people. I sit by myself in my big lecture classes not bothering to get to know people. And it kills me. Why? I'm a pretty friendly person. Why don't I get to know people? I could start leaving my trace on this earth.

Regardless, I just want to be remembered. I think that's why I try to be there for....literally everyone. It's always been that way and I enjoy it. I love it! I love being the girl that everyone goes to, to vent (read my post here about venting), to receive love, or to receive a kind word or two. So I guess if that's what I'm remembered for, I'm living a pretty good life.

But, for now, I'm Miss Megan Williams. 

I love music and have an unhealthy relationship with my headphones. 

I could live at the beach and be happy for the rest of my life.

I'm a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I am not afraid to share my beliefs. 

I laugh till my sides hurt. 

I take typical white girl pictures in the mirror and I'm the queen of snapchat. 

I cry in Disney movies. 

I wear fake glasses when I write essays.

Chocolate is always the right choice. 

When I'm happy, I want everyone to be happy. When I'm sad, I still want everyone to be happy and will joke through my tears. 

I have a bad neck and back but I'll still race you to the car. 

I'll be there for you even if we haven't talked in months. 

My favorite song will say more about me than I ever will. 

My little sisters are my world and if you mess with them, you'll mess with me. My parents are my role models and I owe them so much. 

My Savior knows me personally and I couldn't get through life without Him. 

And lastly, I love to smile...because the world is a more beautiful place when you have a smile on your face.

To The Girl Out There Who's Feeling The Pressure....

...to serve a mission.

Not everyone is going to agree with my thoughts on this post. And that's okay. I'm going to do my best not to offend anyone and tell my story.

I remember the day that the mission age change was lowered. I think everyone, Mormon or not, will remember because that was the day that EVERYONE put in their papers and was so excited. Everyone except me. I didn't feel right about it. I can't explain it but I didn't.

I had an experience in the temple literally 12 hours before conference. I wasn't even thinking about a mission. Instead, I was thinking about my future family. I had no idea when the worthy RM was going to come along and take me to the temple, but I guess my mind drifted into that direction. I got the feeling that I needed to change my life around, that something was going to happen and I needed to be prepared, spiritually, to handle whatever that would be.

Ha, then the mission age change. Many many MANY of my friends called/texted me, as my nineteenth birthday was only 2 weeks away. The coming joke was that all I wanted for my birthday was to turn into my mission papers.....and for some reason, that wasn't me. Friends on missions asked me and even close friends asked me. When I said I wasn't thinking of going, the judging looks and comments came...I was heartbroken.

Three months later, I was in a car accident. Bam. I reflected on that moment in the temple and knew that this was what my Heavenly Father was trying to tell me. I hadn't listened. I had gone through the motions of church, saying my prayers, and reading my scriptures but I hadn't gained that relationship with Heavenly Father that I really needed. My friends started getting mission calls, and I realized most of them were leaving. Not only was I in physical pain but I was in spiritual pain and emotional pain. I didn't open up to a lot of people....but I definitely opened up to my Heavenly Father. Those nights when I was scared, hurting, and just done, He was there for me, with His literally arms lifting me up through my hard times. I made it through sophomore year, but man, was it a struggle.

Then, my junior year started. Remind you, all my friends from freshman year had gone their separate ways....mainly North Carolina, Ukraine, Ohio, and a different ward. I was scared out of my mind. I opened up to a friend back home and he helped me, I suppose. But I relied on him too much and didn't make many friends my junior year. Towards the middle of my junior year, I found myself in a pretty unhealthy long distance relationship....and I couldn't find a way out. He needed to change his life around and try to serve a mission....and I guess I figured if I served a mission, I could easily get out of the relationship, would stop feeling the judgement and maybe find a good guy out there, after I claimed that RM title. Yes, that was my reasoning. I signed myself up for mission prep Fall 2014 and was excited....but I knew it was kind of fake. I tried to pray and read my scriptures but it was hard. Deep down, I knew I had selfish reasons for trying to serve...but finally people in my ward at home were excited for me.  I got SO many likes on the picture that I posted on Facebook about serving, and I finally found acceptance. I felt support. I felt like I would maybe finally be doing something good and noteworthy with my life.

In spring of this year, I was hurting pretty bad and at that time, I felt alone. My family was 600 miles away and I was lost. I turned to my Heavenly Father once more and strengthened my relationship with Him. I vowed to get my life completely back on track...thinking a mission was still in my plans. But I kept reflecting on my sophomore year and I would get that uneasy feeling. I assumed it was Satan, trying to distract me from the good I was suppose to accomplish. Then, senior year started.

This semester I took 4 different classes to figure out my life. 
1. Social Work 
2. Sociology 404 (qualitative research) 
3. Psychology 111 
4. Mission Prep. 

My first few days in Social Work, I knew I "found" my calling. Still in that "I'm going on a mission" mindset, I figured a master's in SOCW was a LONG ways away. I didn't prepared but I knew that's what I wanted.

The weirdest thing though was....my first few weeks in mission prep......I felt more uneasy in my entire life. I had distanced myself from the unhealthy relationship over the summer. I had strengthened my relationship with God. I had turned my life around. I was happy. And yet, I felt uneasy. Brad Wilcox is my professor and HE IS AMAZING. Everyone in class is just so excited to serve. I found myself in the temple, praying and struggling for an answer. Then one day, I was reminded of a quote or a scripture or a principle about personal revelation. I can't remember what it says word for word but the principle is the same. Once Heavenly Father grants you with revelation, He often won't remind you again. He won't hold your hand as you make your decisions. The quote by President David O. McKay as told by Boyd K. Packer comes to mind. “You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.”

I realized I had a few options. I could continue with this plan to serve a mission or I could come to terms with the fact that a mission wasn't currently in my plans. And boy, was that a hard couple of weeks. I felt like I kept hitting wall after wall. But I kept my prayers going and reading my scriptures. I went to the temple. I prayed harder than I ever had. I felt like I wasn't getting an answer. So, one day, in the temple, I made a decision. I offered my heart to God, hoping that continuing on in Social Work and not serving a mission was the right choice. And for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I was no longer anxious and I was no longer worried for my future. I know a master's is going to be hard and I'm scared out of my mind. But I finally got excited about life. I knew that this is right for me.

So, to the girl out there who's feeling the pressure to serve a mission....take a page out of my book. Do not serve a mission for the wrong reasons. That was almost me. And I'm so glad it's not. I'm sure it would still work out for you but I'm nervous that it wouldn't. You don't need that acceptance from whoever in order to serve. Someone will find you for who you are. Love yourself. Don't rely on the acceptance from others, but rely on the acceptance from Heavenly Father. He loves you for who you are. 

In the words of my friend Jamie, "I believe everyone has a mission call but it does not always come on paper." 

I'm still learning how to share the gospel but not by being a full time missionary. I post on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I try to help everyone I see in need. I give my friends time when they need it. I try to love everyone I see. I help my mom share the gospel and am supportive when she steps out into that world to share her love of the gospel. There are so many good things in this life...pray to your Heavenly Father. Spend time in the temple. Make sure it's for you. Because a mission is not for every girl out there. I am a missionary but I do not wear a Sister Williams badge and I am happier than ever, being me and accepting and knowing who I am.

Be the Change You Want to Be.

One of my favorite things about Facebook is sharing links. In fact, I'm guessing that's how you got to this post! I rarely surf the web, I don't watch the news or anything like that, so I use Facebook to get that stuff. I saw one of those blog posts that say things I wish I knew or things that every 20 something year old will do. I love those posts and while some of them apply, I really disliked what this post said.

While talking about how relationships don't all work out, the blog post claimed that a broken heart will changed your life forever. I totally agree with that, whether it was a relationship or even a friendship that didn't work out-these things in life will change you for better or for worse.

However, then the post made this claim...

"Having your heart broken stays with you until someone else mends it." I had to re read this statement a time or two before it really sunk in.

Till someone else mends it.

Society has gotten this all wrong. Society believes that we can't do anything on our own, especially women. Women are seen as weak and unable to do much besides be a wife and a homemaker. But what society pushes even more is that we all need to be saved and only someone else can do that. And that's what needs to change.

Too often we find ourselves being the "victim" of our circumstances. This is a card that everyone plays, from the President of the US to the common blogger. I've played it myself. Complaints of this and that prevent us from moving, from progressing, from changing. Instead, we become stagnant in our growth and we don't make these necessary changes to grow.

Today during church we were talking about the phrase "I'm fine." Bleck. I dislike this phrase more than anything because first people use it as a lie and a way not to talk to someone and second, because what does that even mean. But, the one thing that was touched on is that trials tend to come when we are fine. When we get lazy and too comfortable, trials can come and knock us off our feet. So when I look over my life, the major trials stand out in my life.

The car accident I was involved in, finding myself alone and without a friend on those sleepless nights, and the day that I learned when someone I loved had used me. Some of the worst days of my life....have turned into some joyous moments in my life. Those nights with tear stained pillowcases, those moments that I thought I couldn't go on and many times that I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to take these pains away from me--they honestly changed me. Now each moment in my life, I've had two options. 1. Become a victim of circumstance. Or 2. Be the change I want to be. I'm not perfect. It's taken me a few days or sometimes weeks. But I honestly believe that we are given these experiences to be refined, to change and to become better.

Many different things can stunt our growth. But why make ourselves one of those things? Next time you're feeling too comfortable or in the midst of one of those trials, don't wait for someone to throw in a line and help you out. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get back on your feet. Be the change you wish to see in yourself and I know it will make all the difference.

The Never Ending To-Do List

I recently posted on Facebook a fact that my lovely friend Alex gave me. She said that the average person doesn't smile till approximately 11:25 on a Monday morning. I don't know what it is about society, but we all hate Mondays. We live for the weekends and during the week, we have Mondays, which are socially unacceptable to like....then we have Wednesdays or HUMP DAAAY, which is like the we're-almost-at-the-weekend day and then we have TGIF, thank *goodness* it's Friday. Then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday fly by, only to realize that we're back at hating Mondays.

I sadly agree with this phenomena but for a different reason. I hate Mondays because it reminds me of how unsuccessful I was at finishing homework, going grocery shopping and many other things that I now have to find time for this week. And I hate Mondays because my to do list becomes longer and longer and longer. (Currently, it's a two page word document. Awwwwesome.)

Now, I love to-do lists. There is nothing better than crossing off something on your list and the small feeling of accomplishment that comes from that. But there is nothing worse than added 10 new to-do list items and the feeling of HELPPPP, I'm drowning and I can't get up. It's real and I know how it feels. Yeah, I'm just a college student.....but I'm a college student. My mental to do list has things like visiting teaching, start my relief society lesson, attend that devotional or this fireside, do the dishes, work out, make a healthy meal and then do more dishes, get all my homework, studying, reading done, oh and while you're at it, try to be social, date and find a husband. Yeah, I'm drowning. Especially in my senior year, surrounded by people who have either recently returned from missions or my sister, who's a freshman, I just have so much to do. So many assignments that I feel like I'm drowning.

Lucky for me (and unlucky for my to do list), I have made the goal to make Sundays different. I'm choosing not to do homework on Sunday, which to many may seem absolutely crazy. And it is. If I used the hours before church and hours after church to catch up on homework and studying, I would be a less stressed. But I'm choosing to make Sunday a day a rest. So yesterday, while making breakfast, I popped in my earphones and listened to President Uchtdorf's talk "Of Things that Matter Most." If you haven't seen this Mormon Message, I encourage you to watch it. (It's one of the ones that make me cry, with happy tears.)

So, I'm listening to this talk and thinking, yeah it's a good talk but how does this apply to me? Today, as I woke up early to do homework and checked LearningSuite and realized just how much I have to accomplish today, I freaked out. My palms got sweaty and I started shaking and I promised to lock myself in the library.  But, I think we all need to listen to President Uchtdorf's advice.
We don't need to wear our business as a badge. Yes, while there are things in life we must do, we need to take it one day at a time and not become completely overwhelmed. We need to realize that in every day, there are moments that matter most, and not to become too focused on our never ending to-do lists. Besides, my worth is not determined by my to do list. He Knows me Better.

Tender Mercies of the Lord

"But behold, I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 

Nephi told us to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, right? Well, lemme tell ya, my name could be replaced with Nephi perfectly. 

Well, my first week of my senior year of college has come and gone, really without anything too problematic. Yes, I did sit in a class this week where I knew instantly I had to drop it but overall life was good. I started making plans and being social and suddenly, I realized it was Saturday night, I was exhausted from baking, and I had a long week ahead of me. I sat there, last night, beating myself up for all the times I wasn't productive or all the things I haven't finished and went to sleep pretty miserable.

To make matters worse (or better, as I came to find out), today was Fast Sunday (for those of you who don't know, this is the first Sunday of the month where Latter-day Saints choose not to eat or drink for two meals in order to be in tune with the Spirit). I awoke cranky but decided to make the best of it. 

Within the first hour of church, I knew God was looking out for me--personally. The Relief Society lesson was on Remember Who You Are! by Elaine S. Dalton, which talked about our potential as women and to remember who we were before this life. It was exactly what I needed to hear, as I spent the night before beating myself up over all the little things in my life that aren't perfect and all of the every day stressors that I have. Tender Mercy #1.

During the second hour of church, I ended up in a Preach my Gospel class, which honestly, I was skeptical about.  Within a few minutes, I knew that this would be my Tender Mercy #2, as the lesson was on Elder Bednar's recent address at Education Week on sharing the gospel.  This talk happens to be on my to do list to read at some time but I have been bogged down in other responsibilities that I wasn't able to listen to or read. I smiled when I found out the lesson was on this talk and was even more excited when we watched part of it. Tender Mercy #2.

After church, when the reality of school tomorrow set in, I panicked, as I realized on Saturday that I forgot the one book I actually really need for my semester. I have one friend in the class but of course, I don't have her number. As I began to freak out, I realized that I had a friend on Facebook who probably had her number and with that, I received yet another tender mercy. The friend happened to be online, had the girl's number and I was able to contact my friend with the book. I went over to her house about 10 minutes later and will now be able to complete the assignment. Tender Mercy #3. 

And just when I thought that Heavenly Father had finished blessing my day, He remembered me once again. I have a ton of things on my plate this week, which is good. I like being busy but as the night gets later, I began to become more stressed out and worried on how everything was going to get done. Sadly, one event that I wanted to host this week got canceled. I am bummed but realized that this too is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, as I honestly don't know how I would be able to accomplish this week. Tender Mercy #4.

I am beyond grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know that He personally knows me and knows my challenges, my strengths and my weaknesses. I know that without Him, I would not be able to make it through the week. I need Him every hour, oh Gracious Lord. I know that tender mercies are God's gift to the faithful and I will continue to be faithful in my attempts to return to Him once more. I know that His church is true and has been restored on the earth today through a true prophet of God, Joseph Smith. Tender mercies are out there, folks. It's just up to you to recognize them through the whisperings of the Spirit.

To Forgive is Divine

I give second chances out like free donuts. If you mess up once, I'll give you a second chance and most of the time, I'll give you a third and a fourth. To err is human. No one is perfect and I know I'm far from it, which is why I've always been willing to forgive.

With this in mind, I've been watching some Dennis Prager University videos, thanks to a challenge from my grandparents. I find something good in each one and normally, I come away feeling empowered or with a new idea in mind. So, I was sitting in my room this past week before BYU started, trying to finish the 50 videos when I came upon this one about forgiveness. And boy, was it something I needed to hear.

In this little course UCLA Psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer talked about three different kinds of forgiveness. As earlier mentioned, I feel like I'm pretty good at the first type he discussed, which is the "normal forgiveness" or exoneration.  This is why you wipe the slate clean and give the person a second chance after the harmful action, especially when the person does their best to ask for forgiveness.  Marmer says that if you don't offer forgiveness in this situation, it's more harmful to you. The second type of forgiveness Marmer discussed is forbearance, when the offender doesn't give a decent apology or puts part of the blame on you. He says that you should realize that maybe you had a part in it and still forgive or at least cease the grudges.

But what I really wanted to talk about is the last type of forgiveness, which is release.  At first, I was confused on what this type of forgiveness really means. I mean, I think release comes with every type of forgiveness, when you release the grudges. But Marmer explains that release is a type of forgiveness when the person does not apologize or does not take responsibility for their actions.  In order for you to move past this, you need to release these feelings.

In my own life, I can think of two huge events in my life where I still play the "victim mentality," because of an accident and because someone did not take responsibility for their actions.

1. The "Infamous" Car Accident -- For my new readers, hey, I was in a car accident over a year ago. I was not the driver and I was the only one in the car that was hurt. For awhile, I struggled with that, as it was really an accident. It's not like the driver was like oh hey, I think I want to wreck a car today. It was an accident and it was a freak accident that I was the only one hurt (NOT because I was the only one not preparing for a mission, which is what I thought at the time).  But while I was listening to this Prager, I realized that I still totally consider myself a victim of this random accident. I mean, sometimes, I still blame the driver because of x, y, or z. While thinking about this, I realized I need to release these bad feelings. I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason, either a blessing or a lesson and I've come to realize that God needed to teach me to rely on Him from this accident. In the coming days, weeks, and months, I want to release these bad feelings, realize that this is my life and I will make the most of it.

2. Past Relationships -- I was in a relationship that ended with my S.O. cheating on me. And if you are lucky enough never to have this happen to you, bless you and thank your lucky stars that it hasn't happen. If you've had an experience like this, you know what it feels like. It's the worse feeling in the world to realize that you gave your all in the relationship and were not enough for someone, that they needed to get some on the side. It cuts deep. What was harder was when that person didn't take responsibility and didn't feel bad. That was really hard to hear, that something terrible had happened to me and the person who did it felt "numb." I was suppose to feel numb but inside I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I realized that I will never be friends with this person again and that really hurt as well. But I couldn't give any more chances or forgive him one more time or I would just be hurt again.

However, while listening to this Prager, I realized that this experience was not an accident.  This was intentional.  This was a choice that he made. When I realized this, I finally understood. I can't keep holding onto this. I am a daughter of God and He sees my worth.  He knows every pain I have felt and He loves me, regardless of anything I have done in my life. I need to have that release or how can I move on in my life? I cannot continue to define my life as "that girl who was cheated on" or even continue to feel like this was my fault, because it wasn't. I need to release these bad feelings to let go of that burden.

Now, keep in mind, I just realized this. I'm twenty years old and I've mastered forgiveness, right? Ha, no way. But, I think I have a good take on how to continue living my life. I still want to be an example of forgiveness and I will continue to evaluate my relationships. But I'm tired of carrying baggage and I'm ready to release. After all, to err is human but to forgive is divine.

(Here's the link to the Prager University, if you want to learn more:)