Be the Change You Want to Be.

One of my favorite things about Facebook is sharing links. In fact, I'm guessing that's how you got to this post! I rarely surf the web, I don't watch the news or anything like that, so I use Facebook to get that stuff. I saw one of those blog posts that say things I wish I knew or things that every 20 something year old will do. I love those posts and while some of them apply, I really disliked what this post said.

While talking about how relationships don't all work out, the blog post claimed that a broken heart will changed your life forever. I totally agree with that, whether it was a relationship or even a friendship that didn't work out-these things in life will change you for better or for worse.

However, then the post made this claim...

"Having your heart broken stays with you until someone else mends it." I had to re read this statement a time or two before it really sunk in.

Till someone else mends it.

Society has gotten this all wrong. Society believes that we can't do anything on our own, especially women. Women are seen as weak and unable to do much besides be a wife and a homemaker. But what society pushes even more is that we all need to be saved and only someone else can do that. And that's what needs to change.

Too often we find ourselves being the "victim" of our circumstances. This is a card that everyone plays, from the President of the US to the common blogger. I've played it myself. Complaints of this and that prevent us from moving, from progressing, from changing. Instead, we become stagnant in our growth and we don't make these necessary changes to grow.

Today during church we were talking about the phrase "I'm fine." Bleck. I dislike this phrase more than anything because first people use it as a lie and a way not to talk to someone and second, because what does that even mean. But, the one thing that was touched on is that trials tend to come when we are fine. When we get lazy and too comfortable, trials can come and knock us off our feet. So when I look over my life, the major trials stand out in my life.

The car accident I was involved in, finding myself alone and without a friend on those sleepless nights, and the day that I learned when someone I loved had used me. Some of the worst days of my life....have turned into some joyous moments in my life. Those nights with tear stained pillowcases, those moments that I thought I couldn't go on and many times that I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to take these pains away from me--they honestly changed me. Now each moment in my life, I've had two options. 1. Become a victim of circumstance. Or 2. Be the change I want to be. I'm not perfect. It's taken me a few days or sometimes weeks. But I honestly believe that we are given these experiences to be refined, to change and to become better.

Many different things can stunt our growth. But why make ourselves one of those things? Next time you're feeling too comfortable or in the midst of one of those trials, don't wait for someone to throw in a line and help you out. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get back on your feet. Be the change you wish to see in yourself and I know it will make all the difference.

The Never Ending To-Do List

I recently posted on Facebook a fact that my lovely friend Alex gave me. She said that the average person doesn't smile till approximately 11:25 on a Monday morning. I don't know what it is about society, but we all hate Mondays. We live for the weekends and during the week, we have Mondays, which are socially unacceptable to like....then we have Wednesdays or HUMP DAAAY, which is like the we're-almost-at-the-weekend day and then we have TGIF, thank *goodness* it's Friday. Then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday fly by, only to realize that we're back at hating Mondays.

I sadly agree with this phenomena but for a different reason. I hate Mondays because it reminds me of how unsuccessful I was at finishing homework, going grocery shopping and many other things that I now have to find time for this week. And I hate Mondays because my to do list becomes longer and longer and longer. (Currently, it's a two page word document. Awwwwesome.)

Now, I love to-do lists. There is nothing better than crossing off something on your list and the small feeling of accomplishment that comes from that. But there is nothing worse than added 10 new to-do list items and the feeling of HELPPPP, I'm drowning and I can't get up. It's real and I know how it feels. Yeah, I'm just a college student.....but I'm a college student. My mental to do list has things like visiting teaching, start my relief society lesson, attend that devotional or this fireside, do the dishes, work out, make a healthy meal and then do more dishes, get all my homework, studying, reading done, oh and while you're at it, try to be social, date and find a husband. Yeah, I'm drowning. Especially in my senior year, surrounded by people who have either recently returned from missions or my sister, who's a freshman, I just have so much to do. So many assignments that I feel like I'm drowning.

Lucky for me (and unlucky for my to do list), I have made the goal to make Sundays different. I'm choosing not to do homework on Sunday, which to many may seem absolutely crazy. And it is. If I used the hours before church and hours after church to catch up on homework and studying, I would be a less stressed. But I'm choosing to make Sunday a day a rest. So yesterday, while making breakfast, I popped in my earphones and listened to President Uchtdorf's talk "Of Things that Matter Most." If you haven't seen this Mormon Message, I encourage you to watch it. (It's one of the ones that make me cry, with happy tears.)

So, I'm listening to this talk and thinking, yeah it's a good talk but how does this apply to me? Today, as I woke up early to do homework and checked LearningSuite and realized just how much I have to accomplish today, I freaked out. My palms got sweaty and I started shaking and I promised to lock myself in the library.  But, I think we all need to listen to President Uchtdorf's advice.
We don't need to wear our business as a badge. Yes, while there are things in life we must do, we need to take it one day at a time and not become completely overwhelmed. We need to realize that in every day, there are moments that matter most, and not to become too focused on our never ending to-do lists. Besides, my worth is not determined by my to do list. He Knows me Better.

Tender Mercies of the Lord

"But behold, I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 

Nephi told us to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, right? Well, lemme tell ya, my name could be replaced with Nephi perfectly. 

Well, my first week of my senior year of college has come and gone, really without anything too problematic. Yes, I did sit in a class this week where I knew instantly I had to drop it but overall life was good. I started making plans and being social and suddenly, I realized it was Saturday night, I was exhausted from baking, and I had a long week ahead of me. I sat there, last night, beating myself up for all the times I wasn't productive or all the things I haven't finished and went to sleep pretty miserable.

To make matters worse (or better, as I came to find out), today was Fast Sunday (for those of you who don't know, this is the first Sunday of the month where Latter-day Saints choose not to eat or drink for two meals in order to be in tune with the Spirit). I awoke cranky but decided to make the best of it. 

Within the first hour of church, I knew God was looking out for me--personally. The Relief Society lesson was on Remember Who You Are! by Elaine S. Dalton, which talked about our potential as women and to remember who we were before this life. It was exactly what I needed to hear, as I spent the night before beating myself up over all the little things in my life that aren't perfect and all of the every day stressors that I have. Tender Mercy #1.

During the second hour of church, I ended up in a Preach my Gospel class, which honestly, I was skeptical about.  Within a few minutes, I knew that this would be my Tender Mercy #2, as the lesson was on Elder Bednar's recent address at Education Week on sharing the gospel.  This talk happens to be on my to do list to read at some time but I have been bogged down in other responsibilities that I wasn't able to listen to or read. I smiled when I found out the lesson was on this talk and was even more excited when we watched part of it. Tender Mercy #2.

After church, when the reality of school tomorrow set in, I panicked, as I realized on Saturday that I forgot the one book I actually really need for my semester. I have one friend in the class but of course, I don't have her number. As I began to freak out, I realized that I had a friend on Facebook who probably had her number and with that, I received yet another tender mercy. The friend happened to be online, had the girl's number and I was able to contact my friend with the book. I went over to her house about 10 minutes later and will now be able to complete the assignment. Tender Mercy #3. 

And just when I thought that Heavenly Father had finished blessing my day, He remembered me once again. I have a ton of things on my plate this week, which is good. I like being busy but as the night gets later, I began to become more stressed out and worried on how everything was going to get done. Sadly, one event that I wanted to host this week got canceled. I am bummed but realized that this too is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, as I honestly don't know how I would be able to accomplish this week. Tender Mercy #4.

I am beyond grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know that He personally knows me and knows my challenges, my strengths and my weaknesses. I know that without Him, I would not be able to make it through the week. I need Him every hour, oh Gracious Lord. I know that tender mercies are God's gift to the faithful and I will continue to be faithful in my attempts to return to Him once more. I know that His church is true and has been restored on the earth today through a true prophet of God, Joseph Smith. Tender mercies are out there, folks. It's just up to you to recognize them through the whisperings of the Spirit.

To Forgive is Divine

I give second chances out like free donuts. If you mess up once, I'll give you a second chance and most of the time, I'll give you a third and a fourth. To err is human. No one is perfect and I know I'm far from it, which is why I've always been willing to forgive.

With this in mind, I've been watching some Dennis Prager University videos, thanks to a challenge from my grandparents. I find something good in each one and normally, I come away feeling empowered or with a new idea in mind. So, I was sitting in my room this past week before BYU started, trying to finish the 50 videos when I came upon this one about forgiveness. And boy, was it something I needed to hear.

In this little course UCLA Psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer talked about three different kinds of forgiveness. As earlier mentioned, I feel like I'm pretty good at the first type he discussed, which is the "normal forgiveness" or exoneration.  This is why you wipe the slate clean and give the person a second chance after the harmful action, especially when the person does their best to ask for forgiveness.  Marmer says that if you don't offer forgiveness in this situation, it's more harmful to you. The second type of forgiveness Marmer discussed is forbearance, when the offender doesn't give a decent apology or puts part of the blame on you. He says that you should realize that maybe you had a part in it and still forgive or at least cease the grudges.

But what I really wanted to talk about is the last type of forgiveness, which is release.  At first, I was confused on what this type of forgiveness really means. I mean, I think release comes with every type of forgiveness, when you release the grudges. But Marmer explains that release is a type of forgiveness when the person does not apologize or does not take responsibility for their actions.  In order for you to move past this, you need to release these feelings.

In my own life, I can think of two huge events in my life where I still play the "victim mentality," because of an accident and because someone did not take responsibility for their actions.

1. The "Infamous" Car Accident -- For my new readers, hey, I was in a car accident over a year ago. I was not the driver and I was the only one in the car that was hurt. For awhile, I struggled with that, as it was really an accident. It's not like the driver was like oh hey, I think I want to wreck a car today. It was an accident and it was a freak accident that I was the only one hurt (NOT because I was the only one not preparing for a mission, which is what I thought at the time).  But while I was listening to this Prager, I realized that I still totally consider myself a victim of this random accident. I mean, sometimes, I still blame the driver because of x, y, or z. While thinking about this, I realized I need to release these bad feelings. I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason, either a blessing or a lesson and I've come to realize that God needed to teach me to rely on Him from this accident. In the coming days, weeks, and months, I want to release these bad feelings, realize that this is my life and I will make the most of it.

2. Past Relationships -- I was in a relationship that ended with my S.O. cheating on me. And if you are lucky enough never to have this happen to you, bless you and thank your lucky stars that it hasn't happen. If you've had an experience like this, you know what it feels like. It's the worse feeling in the world to realize that you gave your all in the relationship and were not enough for someone, that they needed to get some on the side. It cuts deep. What was harder was when that person didn't take responsibility and didn't feel bad. That was really hard to hear, that something terrible had happened to me and the person who did it felt "numb." I was suppose to feel numb but inside I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I realized that I will never be friends with this person again and that really hurt as well. But I couldn't give any more chances or forgive him one more time or I would just be hurt again.

However, while listening to this Prager, I realized that this experience was not an accident.  This was intentional.  This was a choice that he made. When I realized this, I finally understood. I can't keep holding onto this. I am a daughter of God and He sees my worth.  He knows every pain I have felt and He loves me, regardless of anything I have done in my life. I need to have that release or how can I move on in my life? I cannot continue to define my life as "that girl who was cheated on" or even continue to feel like this was my fault, because it wasn't. I need to release these bad feelings to let go of that burden.

Now, keep in mind, I just realized this. I'm twenty years old and I've mastered forgiveness, right? Ha, no way. But, I think I have a good take on how to continue living my life. I still want to be an example of forgiveness and I will continue to evaluate my relationships. But I'm tired of carrying baggage and I'm ready to release. After all, to err is human but to forgive is divine.

(Here's the link to the Prager University, if you want to learn more:)

A Messed Up Pedicure

Today, I got a pedicure with my mama. It's tradition, I've never gotten a pedicure without her (although she's probably gotten some without me) and it's just a little bit of relaxing time for us.
For those of you who have never gotten a pedicure.......you sit on a comfy chair for about an hour-ish while someone scrubs your feet, cuts your toenails, and repaints your toenails, often adding a flower/jewel/design for an additional fee.

After the pedicure, I went shopping for new flip flops, something I probably should have done before the pedicure. I went to Target and was trying on a pair of shoes, attempting to be very careful but of course, I messed up my pedicure. The cute little jewel came off when the shoe came off. Now really, this wasn't a big deal at all but I was just annoyed. I was annoyed because my mom had spent a good chunk of money and I had JUST gotten the pedicure literally two hours ago and I already messed it up. Lovely.


Well, I decided to go back in. The nail salons are normally nice and understanding and will fix it for you. As I walked back in, every worker and all six ladies getting their nails done looked at me. I muttered out to the receptionist who I had seen 1 hour and a half earlier, kinda ashamed, that I had messed up my pedicure and she nodded to Linda, who had just perfected a pretty good looking pedicure on my feet. Linda looked at me and said, "Messed up?" And I reddened, and the receptionist said yes. She didn't ask what happened. She sat me down, wheeled her cart over, added a new jewel and helped me put my flip flops back on.  I was done in a matter of minutes.
I jumped back in my car, turned on my music, blaring, and started driving away. A few minutes later, I started thinking about this incident...and was hit pretty hardcore with some thoughts, enough that I turned off my music (which, if you know me, is unthinkable) during the drive home.

Repentance is just like a messed up pedicure.

When I walked into the nail salon, I felt awkward. I had just been in there two hours before! I knew they would recognize me. To make it worse, the receptionist acknowledge my mistake and I felt pretty embarrassed. But Linda just sat me down and within minutes, it was fixed.

We try our whole lives just to be good people. We aim for perfection, but as humans, we know perfection is just not possible.  When we make mistakes, we feel bad and sometimes awkward especially if it's a mistake that we keep making. We think that people will judge us and see us as "less-Christian" than the perfect family who sits in front of us every week at church. But our Heavenly Father does not judge us. He sits us down, acknowledges the mistake but the second that we repent, He remembers our mistake no more.  When we acknowledge our mistake, ask for forgiveness, and pray to our Heavenly Father, the mistake is gone and we can start over.

I'm grateful for this guidance and direction I received from Heavenly Father. I can't remember where I heard this quote but there was a speaker who said that repenting from our sins is uncomfortable for a second and in return, we receive eternal happiness.  I am no where never perfect and I know that repenting from our sins will let us return to live with our Father in Heaven after this life. I know that these things are true and I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I'm a Mormon-I know it, I live it and I love it!

The Edge of Light

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life springs lemons on you all of the sudden when you were looking for oranges, what do you do??

Once upon a time, I had a life plan for myself. I don't remember when this life plan was planned but I think it's natural for all of us to have an ideal life plan. Most probably go like this: education, college, a "real job," marriage, family, retirement, etc. For the longest time, I always wanted to go to BYU. Now, I'm there and I'm almost done. 21 credits left. WOW. Where did the time go? 

The wonderful thing about life (especially in these emerging adulthood years) is that your life plans will be tossed around, flipped upside down, and turned sideways until you can't recall what you ever planned. It seems like every time we make plans, they somehow change and you're left scrambling around, wondering what to do and how to do it.

If that doesn't sum up the last six months of my life, then I don't know what does.

I'm stuck in this phase of life where I have so many options. Every option that I could plan for my life are good options...hence why trying to make a life plan has been so hard. Every time someone asks me what's going on in my life I literally have nothing to say and am lost until they provide some questions that I can sometimes answer. 

Well, during May and June up in Provo, let's just say it was rough. Life threw me a curveball and in all honesty, I didn't know how to handle it. I was scared, I was hurt and I felt very alone. Of course, shoutout to my friends, roommates, and family who were there for me, but, I was a mess. I took a day or two to have my "woe is me" days until I was back on my feet. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder, "why me?" Now, I know that is the worse thing to ask yourself when you're going through a trial....but I did. I'll be honest. One night, during my evening prayer, I was crying out why me? And seconds later, I was humbled by realizing that life could be a lot worse. Anyway, I digress.

Let's get to the point of this post. During that time, I was sitting in Sunday School when my teacher put up this quote. The preface to this post is that Elder Boyd K. Packer goes looking for counsel, receives the counsel from the President of the Church (David O. McKay), and then did not immediately follow the counsel. Elder Harold B. Lee then counsels Elder Packer with this statement.

“The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning....You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.” 

Whoa. If that wasn't what I needed to hear and need to be reminded of on a daily basis.  As a member of the church, I have a hard time with this. I want my Heavenly Father to let me know that every decision I make is good and right and most of the time, I want some kind of physical proof that the decision is good and right. However, that's not what life is for. We were sent to this Earth to make mistakes, to learn and to exercise our agency.  While Heavenly Father can help us receive guidance and help us with decisions, He is not going to hold our hand through the process.

While thinking about this over the past few months, I asked a friend on a mission for some guidance.  He practically told me the same thing but in easier words. His counsel for decisions is to act. Once you start acting, you will know if the decision is right or wrong. 

As I begin this school year, I have a resolution to walk in faith near the edge of light. In this phase of life, I will have many decisions to make and I need to start acting. With action, confirmation of my life plans will come, through adequate prayer and scripture study. I am so grateful for my membership in this church, to know that I can rely on my Heavenly Father and act for myself in order to find my path.

Calling for a Return to the Basics

Well, I'm finally blowing off the dust from my computer and decided to write again.

July is almost over. Where did the time go? I've had an AMAZING month, with two back to back vacations. First, a cruise with my best friend Alex to Mexico, Belize, Honduras, and Cayman Islands (just in case you didn't know, or you don't follow me religiously on Facebook/Instagram). Second, a super fun family reunion in Park City with 32 of us living in one three story house. Insanity? Oh yes. But like previous years, we made memories that will last a lifetime, including alpine slides, Seven Peaks, amazing food, and a Park City picture scavenger hunt. It was a great time!

So after this fun month, I realized that I haven't been myself lately. And why not? I have been having the time of my life and the fun never seems to stop. I am blessed with great health, family, friends, and really, my ever need is covered. I didn't notice it until recently that I'm happy but something was wrong.

For instance, the other day, I started overanalyzing everything in my life and I lost it. I was thinking waaaay too much and had to make some life decisions and quick. I've been putting them off for way too long but I was scared. So I started to reflect about what I learned at school during spring semester.

My spring semester was rough. My life was turned upside down twice and I wouldn't have made it through without the support of my family (especially my mama) and the support of my friends (especially my MTC friends). I found myself "alone" and afraid. Everything had suddenly changed and I was hurting. I felt like no one understood me and no one knew what I was going through. People reached out to me and I appreciated that but I still felt alone.

There was one night in particular that I was walking to return a redbox movie and I lost it. I completely fell apart and no one was there--literally. I was alone in my apartment and my family was over 600 miles away. But that night will always be one that I will remember. I called my mom and she reminded me what I needed to do. I needed to pray. I got off the phone, still pretty upset, and prayed. I prayed for comfort, I prayed for enlightenment and I prayed for strength. And within that moment, I felt peace. I felt comfort. And for the second time in my life, I felt the physical presence of someone there, when I was completely alone. I knew I wasn't alone. And as I sat there for a bit, I knew that someone was there in my hour of need. My Savior, Jesus Christ, has suffered for all the pains I have, will, and will continue to feel in this imperfect life we live. I was then again reminded to do the things I needed to do.

All was this was happening, I had received my first "real" calling--relief society teacher. And boy, did I love it! I'm hoping to return to it in fall *fingers crossed* because I never realized how much I love teaching. Not only do I love being able to affect my fellow church members' Sundays but I love how each lesson is somehow meant for me. Well, the first lesson I taught was all about something very fundamental to the gospel of Jesus Christ- the Book of Mormon. I sat there though, writing my first ever lesson and thinking about how in the past, everyone who teaches says that the lesson is perfect for them. It hit me. I hadn't been reading my scriptures. The past year, I had been pretty good about reading, as I would use it for nightly motivation to talk on the phone. But with everything that had happened, I had lost focus.

Well, it is my strong belief that the gospel of Jesus Christ can be very simple. Everyone always jokes about the "Sunday School" answers but, personally speaking, those Sunday School answers can take us to salvation. By merely reading scriptures, praying and attending church, you are staying on the path to salvation and ultimately, eternal life.

This lead me to my motto for spring semester. Get ready for this, it's super super deep and thought provoking..

Return to the Basics.

Wow, Megan, that is way too complicated for me to understand...said no one EVER.

As I looked back on my life, all the rough patches have one thing in common....I stopped doing the basics. I slacked on my scripture study, I wasn't regular with my prayers and I didn't have MEANINGFUL church attendance. (I fully believe that you get out of church what you put into it.)

So back to this month. I have had the best month of my life...according to Fakebook and Instagram. According to the facts, I should be overly happy and excited for life around me. But why haven't I been truly happy? I stopped doing the basics. I stopped my personal growth and I stopped trying to better myself. I stopped talking to my Heavenly Father and searching the Book of Mormon nightly. I stopped attending church with a purpose. I haven't been myself because I forgot the basics. I forgot how to be a true follower of Jesus Christ.

So, basically, I invite you out there who is reading this to continue to return to the basics. And if you have ANY questions about the LDS church or what I believe in, please leave your comments or fill up my Facebook inbox because being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the biggest blessing I have in my life. I love it. I can't imagine my life without the knowledge I have, or without having a loving Heavenly Father who listens and answers my prayers. But, I can't have those blessings with returning to the basics nor can I experience true happiness and knowledge of who I am. I know I will never be perfect in this life, but I can try each day to be a little bit better than the day before.