2013 in Review

It's that time of the year again. A time for reflecting. A time of joy. A time of happiness. A time to recount blessings, to make resolutions and to reevaluate our lives.
Here's to 2013, the year where everything changed.

In reality, it was 2012 when I knew my life would be a bit different. After the prophet of my church changed the missionary age, I knew things would be different, as did everyone else. But I didn't think things would affect me as much. 

Now, looking back, I have been given new opportunities and blessings from those changes. This year, many of my friends left to serve the Lord which scared me. I don't like change and I didn't like the thought of making new friends...again. Luckily, my Father in Heaven knows that too and brought my new roommates and friends into my life, where we instantly clicked and I can't imagine if I would have met these amazing examples in my life without the change.

It seems like forever ago...but it was only 11 months ago that I was in my life - changing car accident. I knew in that instant that things would be different. However, from that experience, I realized how people all over really care. I knew that before but the out pouring of love, empathy, and help I received reinforced that idea. My physical health comes and goes but I have made an effort to be grateful every time I go running or walk to campus or even get comfortable in bed every night. Yes, I'm not perfect and I still complain my head off but hey, there's a new years resolution!

From my car accident, I learned a lot about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In those nights when I was alone and hurting, I turned to my Savior who suffered for me personally and felt His arms around me. I learned a lot from those experiences. They gave me strength to make changes in my life that I needed. The Atonement is real and it can help everyone. It's not just to make bad people good, but it is equally used to make good people better.

In my studies with sociology this year, I have learned statistics and studies that show the world is becoming a scary place. However, I choose to look for the good in the world. Through my studies, I learned a lot about the people around me and I feel I can better interact with people I come in contact with.

While there are many signs that show the world is increasingly becoming wicked and scary, I know that if we each do our part and become active in our lives, we can find happiness in the darkest of times. I know I have this year. Without darkness, we would never know happiness. Without trials, we would never know the good times. I hope that we realize the good ole days before they leave and we reflect on another year. Goodbye 2013. You were good to me. I welcome 2014 and any changes or challenges that come.

From the Mouth of the Vent-ee

I have often been told that I give good advice. My friendships revolve around the same type of relationships, which I honestly don't mind and actually might be pointing me towards a career path. But what I've noticed is I spend a lot of my time listening. Okay, that's not true. I can talk anyone's ear off--my family can testify to that. (Side note--dinner time during high school was "The Megan Show" where I would talk throughout all of dinner. It wasn't until I left for college that my sisters found their voices..). 

In my recent college years, I have felt like many people come to me with advice. I'm typically a friendly person with not too many problems of her own and personally, I LOVE helping people. It's always been something I've enjoyed-seeing someone take my advice and telling me that it helped, ah, I get SO much joy out of that!! I guess I've been told that I've been there when no one else was, or just had the perfect thing to say, not to brag or anything. 

However, there conveniently comes a day about once a month when a good few people come up to me, needing help. And I totally don't mind...but then I spend most of my day focusing on their problems, thinking of ways to help. Or wishing they could go to someone else, to take the pressure off me. Regardless, I normally sacrifice my time to help them. And that's okay! But I've recently noticed this cycle. And I'm not liking it and for once, I need advice. Anyway, here's my makeshift cycle. I don't know if it's "scientifically" correct or maybe there's a scientific term for it. But here are my thoughts. 

Now, let me add my own two sociology thoughts before I go a little more in depth into this cycle. There is a theory in sociology called the "Social Exchange Theory." Basically, it says that people are motivated by self interest -- that we seek rewards and avoid punishment. But the most interesting part of this theory is that social relationships are characterized by interdependence and reciprocity. In English? In order to gain profit in an exchange, we must provide the other person with rewards as well.

So if I sit here and apply this theory to my cycle of venting...here's what I've come up with.

When people come up to me and vent, I try my best to help them, because that's my personality. I'm not some heartless girl who listens and goes "oh that sucks." Instead, I spend my time helping, providing this exchange. I find my own rewards within helping people and the people I try to help find this reward in talking to me about their problems. However, as I sit here and am burden with other people's problems, I wish I was given some other rewards. I suppose I eventually do get a reward-I feel good about helping people. But what happens when I can't help? I don't receive any reward. And therefore, I feel like I need to find someone to vent to.

With all this sociology stuff aside, this cycle of venting is totally never ending. And if you're reading this, thinking, "Oh no...I totally vent to Megan..." PLEASE, continue! There's a good chance I love you and that I don't mind helping you, if you let me, that is. But meanwhile, it'd be nice if once in awhile...you could sit there and think before you talk. Is it really THAT important to help your best friend's sister cousin get over her ex-boyfriend...and is it really that important to tell me about it? Is it absolutely life or death that you keep me up till 4 AM telling me your life story and why you are deathly afraid of spiders? I don't think so.....but if it is, sure, I'll help you out. 

Just...from the mouth of a vent-ee, it'd be super awesome if we all could take a few seconds to figure out our own problems before running to someone else, begging for a few minutes of precious time to vent. Besides--no one likes a complainer. 

Identity Crisis, Averted!

"Say what you want to say and let
the words fall out." ~Sara Bareilles

Lemme start off by saying that I had a bit of a problem this summer (and no, puckering up to a llama was the LEAST of my worries...I just really like that picture, haha). I sat around and thought WAY too much...there is true in saying that overthinking leads to depression. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me and I have about 5 drafts of potential blog posts where I tried to write out what I was feeling but I just wasn't getting anything, which was extremely upsetting because I find that writing out my feelings normally leads me to SOME kind of answer.

"These times are hard but they will
pass." ~SafetySuit

Anyway, I digress. Basically, I was sitting around thinking I was this horrible person, how teenager-y of me. I picked at my flaws. I didn't listen to any compliments anyone gave me. I second guessed every "good" thing I did (like doing the dishes every night and morning because I wasn't in school) because I was wondering if that was really me or if I just needed to act that way to "seem" like a good person. I opened up to a few people but wasn't receiving any reason for feeling this way. I searched my scriptures and..nothing. I was frustrated.

I finally pushed some of these feelings away because I wasn't getting anywhere. In Relief Society at my home ward, I sorta thought I received an answer for why I was feeling this way but NOTHING. Ugh. So I came up to school and emerged myself in college life. I met my roommates and while doing the normal get to know you, I tried not to paint this picture that I was this amazing person who never got mad at anyone. I was genuinely honest, explaining some past roommate problems and pointing out some of my flaws... I figured that this was the best way to figure out my problems (wrong) and maybe I'd figure out what I'd been feeling. I pushed these negative doubting feelings away that I was making up a person but they would gnaw at me during the night and when I was alone. I tried to keep myself busy (I know, this is only the FIRST week of classes but I found myself with lots of spare time...) but again, nothing was working.

"I'm a human being, being happy
and sane." ~Relient K

Well, I grudgingly sat down to do my SOC 310 reading. I've already taken a sociology class with this professor, during spring, so I'm having a hard time humbling myself in order to enjoy this class, which I know is going to be hard. Philosophy and theory? Not my stuff. Greeks and Romans? We're American...where is the connection? Sigh. Anyway, I started reading this article entitled Gift and Exchange and it totally captured me. It talked a lot about how pure gifts are found when we don't want recognition or something in return, whereas exchange is built all around, well, an exchange. Halfway through the article, it mentioned self identity when an overwhelming feeling of that light bulb moment hit me. I won't say it was a peaceful feeling but my heart started racing and I knew.

Over summer, I had an identity crisis.

At age 19?

Yep.

So now what?

"If we wait until we're ready, we'll
be waiting for the rest of our
lives!"

Well I continued reading the article and found why I had been so unsatisfied with all these people building me up. It's all based on relationships. When someone is trying to figure out their "self-identity", according to the article, they stop focusing on the outside world and focus on themselves, which is why I was feeling depressed. I was thinking too much about how others viewed me instead of how I viewed myself. So when an individual begins to think about herself too often, she will sit and rate her relationships. (True.) When someone would compliment me (Megan always gives gives people a chance) or sympathize with me (I totally know about your back pain), too often I would find myself thinking, you don't even know me!..as in the REAL Megan Williams. You just see the outward performance that I'm pretty good at giving...which I don't even know if that's the real Megan Williams. You see the girl who gives too many second chances, who stays up till midnight if it helps a friend (even though she's falling asleep while talking), the girl who says she's fearless (and will stand up to anyone and everyone with her opinions), and the girl who is just plain nice. But was that really me?? I didn't think so. I thought I had lost myself...

Hahaha.

So I'm sitting here, reading this article, freaking out, that I was only 19 and had an identity crisis when the reading went on to say that, well, this was sorta of normal. In the author's view, this search for identity happens because we want to feel love. We want to be understood. We want our voice to be heard, and we want to be unique. As I sat there reading, I realized that's all I wanted for the past...I don't know, year? Ever since I started the Sociology major, my mind has been open to new ideas, concepts, theories, and beliefs, and I wanted to share them with the closed minded people of the world. I wanted my voice to be heard, that societal influences doesn't make us who we are and that we can change our individual views to match who we think we are. Part of the time, I've wanted to be unique, I suppose, not following the trends of the world or listening to certain music or watching the hottest TV shows because "everyone's doing it." The "hipster" view, even though I'm slightly ashamed at being "that girl." But the article addresses this desire of being unique. Regardless of how "unique" you think you're being, you're really not. Ha, isn't that a bit harsh? Let me rephrase that...these feelings and thoughts of being unique are only found within the imagination. Therefore, when you think you're being unique, you've really just imagined it. Ah, the beauty of a paradox.

In any case, all these feelings that have been building up have been because I thought I needed social confirmation by those closest to me that I was a "good person" or "doing what's right." However, after reading this article, I realized that I
don't need this social confirmation. I'm living my life the way I know how or the way that works with me. I may not be an unique, really awesome and kind individual but I'm trying to model my life after my Savior, Jesus Christ, lived His life. And through Christ, I will find ultimate happiness in this life and the life to come. Besides, who needs social confirmation that they are a good person?
Not me. J

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

Last week, the relief society lesson was on finding peace through trials. It was based off a great conference talk, given by Elder Quentin Cook. The sister who taught was but a few years older than me, probably recently married. She listened meaningfully to the older sisters who shared their trials and hard times, saying, I'm so young and haven't had terrible trials that you sisters have had.

I always thought I'd be one of those young people who would be able to say "I haven't had any real tough challenges yet" but I guess Heavenly Father had a different plan.

I don't believe in being a victim of circumstances. That is, I've always thought that one cannot be bitter because of something that has happened by "chance." Or even something that happened purposefully. I've never had to think much about it but I always saw myself as rising up to the challenge, staying positive regardless of the bumps along the way. However, over the past few months, I've had a hard time finding peace.

Some days, I wake up fine. My back isn't an issue, and I feel like I could save the world. But some days, like today, I wake up sore. I can't ignore the stabbing pain in my back. Sitting doesn't help, laying down doesn't help, moving doesn't help. It's on days like today, where I realize I have a choice. I can choose to be happy, paint on a fake smile, and not worry about sitting through 3 hours of church. Or, I can let myself be a victim of circumstance. I can sit with a grimace, complain to anyone who will listen and let my spirit fall. Or, yet another choice, I can find peace through this trial.

Peace you say? How can one find peace when pain is shooting throughout the body and it doesn't seem like it'll ever stop?

I remember that after the accident, I couldn't find much peace. Life was awkward. People didn't know what to say, act or how to help. The worse was the times that words were twisted or comments came out that didn't mean to. I had to work hard not to be offended when an off hand comment made it seem like I was the only one injured because I wasn't planning to serve a mission. I was glad that my other friends who were responding to the call were not hurt but part of me believed the comment that was made-maybe I was hurt because I wasn't preparing to serve a mission. 

I had a home teaching visit the other night that ended with my home teacher asking me if Provo was a mad house after the missionary age change. I told him that we really didn't need to talk about all that, duh, of course it was, and he told me that his son has gotten lots of comments for choosing a different school over a church school. As I sat there that night thinking, I realized that personal peace was really what had gotten me through the "trial" of all my friends leaving on missions. Like the mission age change, I needed to remember the personal revelation that I received right after the accident, the reason why I need to endure this trial of physical pain. 

After waking up this morning in pain and not wanting to go to church, I realized that obviously, church was the obvious answer. And I found my answer in relief society.  Our relief society president taught the lesson on....peace.  One of the things she said hit me so hard. She remarked that she learned that the Atonement is not just for major sins and that it can be used to find peace.  She counseled, "Don't hold onto things you can't change, for how you can find peace with such things weighing you down?" I realized that on the days when the pain is most severe, my spirit is weighed down.  Instead of weeping and hurting, I can find peace through personal prayer and reminder that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and He heals me. While I still wake up hurting and I don't immediately genuinely smile, I think about the trial I am facing...and I wouldn't trade the knowledge that I have gained for anything.

"And then we'll go home and DIE!!"

A typical summer day in the life of Megan...I wake up...go to work. I love my job, I get to hang out with two cute kids. But sometimes, I'm just hungry for "adult" conversation, which is why I was taken aback a few weeks ago at work.

Sophie and Nathan :)

I was sitting at the pool with Nathan and Sophie. Sophie (7) was still in the water and Nathan (10) was sitting next to me, eating a snack. He really wanted to go home but Sophie was still having a good time. It was about 3 o'clock, which meant I only had an hour left and wanted to stay a bit longer. I told Nathan we'd leave around 3:15 and he goes,

"And then...we'll go home and DIE!"

I laughed. Typical Nathan, to get a little crazy and make a comment that is so out of this world. I told him that he could do whatever he wanted for the last thirty minutes I'd be there and he surprised me with this response...

"Well, you know, I don't really think when we die that we'll be nothing. Like, does that even make sense? I think we go somewhere. I don't know where but we don't just die and end up  as dust...right?"

Wait, come again? Huh? Is there water in my ears? Did I just hear you correctly?
I was almost shocked into silence, when I looked over and realized he was waiting for an answer.

"Well, uhm, I can tell you what I believe."

Beach trip!

Now, many would think that this is the first time I've talked religion with my nanny kids. But the week before, religion came up in the car on our way down to the beach. The kids were asking me about high school and asked me if I dated in high school. I mentioned that, yes, I did have a boyfriend in high school and they asked more about him and why we weren't still together. While I didn't really want to go into specifics, I wanted to see if either of the kids had ever been to a church, so I said "we didn't see eye to eye when it came to religion." Nathan surprised me, asking if "we" (as in him and his family) are religious. I asked if he had ever been to church and he said, yes, with his grandparents. And then Sophie changed the topic to something random about our stomachs being our hearts. Yes, typical conversation with these little ones.

But back to the pool scene. We continued to have a fifteen minute discussion, based off of what I believe will happen after we die and other main principles of my faith.  One thing that he felt passionate about was that death brings a new life and won't be the end.  However, he felt that those who were responsible for 9/11 would not live again.  I told him that I thought God still loved those people and shared with him about agency. I used a little analogy, saying that when I ask Sophie and Nathan not to fight, they have their agency to listen to me or ignore me. Regardless of their choice, I still love them and want to be with them.  I told him that God feels the same way and He wants us to make the right choice so we can live with Him again.

Crazy. A boy of 10, still a child, could sit with me and ask questions and listen to my opinions about religion. Maybe he'll never think about it again. Maybe nothing I said made sense and he was just being polite. But if there were more people out there who humbled themselves down and took two seconds out of their busy lives to ask themselves what is the meaning of this life, maybe the gospel would take off. Maybe people would be quick to learn and slow to anger. Maybe people would be kind, genuine human beings. Maybe there wouldn't be wars or rumor of wars and horrible Mother Nature related incidents. 

Amazing how a simple day at the pool can turn into a powerful day that brought me to tears and made me realize how thankful I am that I grew up in this beautiful gospel, that brings trust, faith and hope to those who need it. 

Farewell to Spring...Hello to SUMMER.

My face after my hardest final

WOW, week one of my summer is already gone! I meant to post when I was in the airport, coming home but the whole getting my laptop out of my bag thing after security...yeah it didn't happen.

A fast recap, spring term is OVER. I just got my grades today and MAN, I was happy! 3.39 for this term which was GREAT for me! I finally got my GPA where it needs to be and will hopefully continue to improve. I think I finally figured out this college game, as my dad always says.

Roomies ❤

Spring term was great though. I had amazing roommates, who I hope will be lifelong friends. We all got along quite well and we had really fun times, for those two short months. That being said, I never want to take two 3 credit classes for spring again! Or even stay for spring! It was difficult, as spring was such a fun time! My ward was tiny but I liked it that way-I got to know more people and understood about really placing my roots where I need to be. I'm excited to go back for fall but first-week one of summer.


The second I got off the plane, I set out to help my mom was Girl's Camp. Okay, not really. We had a fun beach day first and then I helped. And I didn't mind. I was just a little bit sad that the first week I was home, my mom, Hayley and Amanda were leaving me. I knew I'd have Lauryn and I was a bit worried about that, as well as bringing her with me to work.

First beach day

Angry birds course

Well, work started and the first day, I loved being back with my little nanny kids, as I call them. The next day, I brought Lauryn and it turned out really great. I hope I showed Lauryn that I can be fun, haha. I went "all out" with a bike ride, playing handball (kids these days play with a LOT more rules!) and four-square, mac-n-cheese for lunch, and an afternoon of "angry birds," thanks to Pinterest.

That afternoon, though, I went home and was exhausted. All I wanted to do was sit around and vege...but I couldn't! I had to take care of Lauryn, which wasn't that difficult-made dinner and played the Wii. But the rest of the week (after a Monster's University day, beach trip, and pool trip), I came home from "work" so exhausted but still had to help out showering Lauryn, getting her ready for bed, etc. Every night, I was ready to go to bed by 8:30.

Our angry birds!

When you realize that I'm a nanny, I basically was a mom for the past week. And if you know me, I've always wanted to be a mom. I wish there was a "mom degree" at BYU because that's all I want to do-start a family, have kids and stay at home, loving every minute. Sounds PERFECT to me. This week I was hit with the reality I already knew-being a mom is TOUGH. As my mom pointed out...most moms don't come into motherhood with 3 kids age 7, 8, and 10. True story. But it was still hard! Keeping kids occupied without technology, stopping little fights, feeding time, packing up for a day at the beach by myself...I can see why my mom is always so tired!

Beach trip!

Sleepover with Little L!

All that being said....ahh, I cannot wait to be a mom! How typical of me, right? A job working 9-5 does not appeal to me for the rest of my life- I cannot wait to raise children in the gospel of Christ.

Anyway, summer is here and I am loving every minute. And it's gonna go by FAST! Better let the good times roll! Megan, OUT!

Ode to Dad

Happy Fathers Day to all the AMAZING dads out there! Also, special shout out to my parents-happy 23rd wedding anniversary!

I'm dedicating this post to my wonderful father. This has been the first year that I haven't been home for Mother's Day OR Father's Day and I'm not happy about it. However, I'm glad I have modern technology to share my feelings about my daddy. 

At the beginning of winter semesters, I was challenged in my family class to pick one family member to strength my relationship with. My mom is my best friend and I talked with her daily and I always Skype with my little sisters so I picked my dad. I planned on calling him more often and actually talking to him more directly when I talked with the whole family. Three weeks later, I was in a car crash. I knew my parents felt helpless, as my dad (choked up on the phone) explained to me that if I had to stay overnight in the hospital, they'd be on the first plane they could. Over the next four months, I've had to deal with insurance and payments. Naturally, I grew closer to my dad, as we had to work things out. As time went on, I'd call him as well as my mom to cry on the phone and I knew he'd take a few minutes to give me advice. I probably talked to my dad about once a week, more than we've ever talked during my college career. I know I was inspired to strengthen my relationship with my Pops and am grateful that he feels like he can call me more often to tell me his accomplishments or when he needs encouragement. I'm sooo grateful for you dad, and now, just like all the cards I've made in the past...

10 things I love about my dad:

1. He is the hardest worker I know. From the time I was little to the last year at home, I've realized how hard my dad works...all for us. I looked forward to every night when he'd come home. I remember when he used to work in Chicago and I can clearly remember running to him when he'd come home on weekends and how excited I was for him to come through the door. 

2. He's the toughest man I know. Wow, growing up as a cowboy does something to a man! He gets right back up in the saddle, if he even falls down in the first place! 

3. Even though he's tough, he's the most sensitive man I know! My dad cries sooo easily, which he has passed onto me! I remember countless times that he's choked up and to me, it really shows that he cares (I'm choking up as I type this, lol). 

4. My dad is a great example to me of having the Spirit. I know he's not perfect but his testimony is strong and he is a worthy priesthood holder, somethingI respect  with all my heart. 

5. He knows how to have a good time. The first time my dad took me to youth conference while in the YM's stake president - Big Bear, I remember having the best time! I was obsessed with the song Airplanes, so we turned it on and he turned his hat side
ways, pretending to rap! Haha, I remember that so clearly! 

6. He has the greatest taste in music, which he passed onto me! We really connect through country music...and listened to Ice Ice Baby every Tuesday for a year, going to mutual! 

7. He has such a strong will. When my dad gets an idea- he does it, all the way! Not halfway, he goes all out. 

8. He loves and respects my mom. :) 

9. He's not afraid to share the gospel with all that he comes in contact with. 

And 10, the thing I tease him about the most- he is friendly and kind to ALL! He always calls waiters/customer service people by their name and can practically get anything he wants by showing genuine kindness. Even though I tease him endlessly, I love that about my dad. 

Happy Fathers Day, Pops! 4 days till I can give you your gift...my presence! Love you SOO much!

My Simple Missionary Effort

With all the buzz going on in the world (cough, or just Provo, cough) about the missionary age change, every girl going on missions, or simply the spotlight the Gospel has been getting in the media, I've felt a need to increase my missionary efforts. I especially felt that this week. I suppose it's because most of my girl friends are going on missions, most of my ward members are leaving, and most of my freshman friends are already gone. As already stated (probably in my other blog...link here), I have not felt that going on a mission is the right path for me right now. This knowledge has been kinda hard, especially as everyone is missionary minded and I'm in Provo. I might not be going on a mission, but I wanted to find a way to help.

"It's hard to share the Gospel because
we have no idea where to start and
fear stops us from sharing what we love."

But that's when I went to an activity where Al Fox was speaking. For those of you who have never heard of Al Fox, she's a convert to the church and is famous for her blog called "Tattooed Mormon."  She talked about her conversion story, her blog story and how much she loves the Gospel. She then taught us what it means to be a "Mormon Online." I came away from that with a missionary mindset, wanting to do the simple things, like post a general conference talk or an inspiring quote on Facebook. I thought that would be a good way to keep up my simple efforts.

That night, after the "fireside," I got a bunch of emails from my job, saying I was scheduled to work at 6 AM for the next few weeks to work at Raintree Apartments....aka the new MTC. I panicked, cause I didn't have a car and I was suppose to provide my own transportation. I was working a late night shift and thought a lot about these shifts. I figured, if God wanted me to, I'd find a way.

When I came home, I talked to my lovely roommate Jordyn...who has a car...and I asked the million dollar question, if I could borrow her car on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday mornings for work. She agreed and I said I would try to find if I could carpool. Then on Thursday, I found out I would be the only worker for that shift! So much for carpooling!

5:50 AM...ready to go!

In any case, Saturday morning I had my first day at working at the "West MTC." I woke out many times in the night and only got 4 hours of sleep. I was nervous about how it would go, if I would wake up, etc. Lucky me, I woke up at 4:50, when my alarm wasn't set until 5:20, and decided to get ready. I don't remember the last time I woke up that early....in any case, I got over to Raintree and started moving carts of donuts into the make shift kitchen, located in the "mess hall" of Raintree. I worked alongside a man in his 50s, who cheerfully whistled as we worked. It was so peaceful and quiet, free of noise of the world. Then at 6:30, we started serving missionaries who were so cheerful and definitely had the Spirit with them. 2 hours later, I was done and couldn't wait to come back for more!

A great Saturday night :)

Then, that night, my roommates and I decided to volunteer at the TRC. Just walking into the MTC, I could feel the Spirit so strongly. As I "role played" with the missionaries, it's kinda hard to stay in character, as I can feel the Spirit whispering that the things they speak of are true. I was close to crying...but I held them back.

As I reflect on my missionary effects, I know they aren't as amazing as dedicating 18 months of my life to the Lord. However, I think that doing these simple things will increase the missionary efforts of the church. I mean, missionaries need to eat and need to practice on the "investigators" who volunteer, right?! Above all, I know this gospel is true and I'm extremely grateful to be a part of it. I don't know where I'd be without it and I don't want to know!

A Stand for Motherhood

For those of you new to my blog or are stalking me on Facebook, I tend to use my blogs to figure out my thoughts. And this week, my mind has been running a mile a minute. I'm a sociology major and I'm taking two sociology classes. One is a theoretical family foundations class and the other is sociology of gender. Yes, two very focused elective sociology classes. I was looking forward to the family one more than the gender one but that sure has switched.

But this week, both of my classes have focused on feminism. Approaching this topic, I was not interested nor looking forward to attending my classes. It's interesting how they both played out.
In my family SOC class, there is a woman in her 40s taking the class. She's trying to be a social worker but has raised a family already. She was outraged by some of the comments made in the book we were reading, but no one else really had opinions (my professor is all over the place during the 2.5 hour lecture, so I think we were all confused on Wednesday).
But today, in SOC of gender, we spent over 40 minutes of the class time discussing feminism. And when I say discussion, I mean everyone had their hand up, ready to get into the boxing ring and fight to the death...okay not really. But it was a heated discussion! Someone would say something and instantly 5 other hands would shot up, ready to defend their precious views.
I have a really good friend in my class who explained her viewpoint, letting the class know she is a reform feminist. According to the literature, a reform feminist wants equal rights and opportunities for women and men alike, as much as I understand it. No radical "get rid of the genders" or anything like that. We've talked about this a lot this past week and for some reason, I found myself not convinced, even though she was trying to convince me that women and men need the same opportunities (which I thought we had, last time I checked...). But I've thought a lot about it and decided to focus my blog on my views.

I grew up in Valencia, California. I am the oldest girl of four. My parents are active LDS members, my mom is a stay-at-home mom, with her degree in elementary education and my father has a master's in accounting. He works from 5 am to about 5 pm, depending on traffic and what point in my life you'd ask, and comes home at night, still working. Whenever a stranger finds out that my dad is the only male in our family, the saying normally goes "that sounds tough!" and my dad always answers, "I wouldn't trade my girls for the world."

If you would have asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I'd answer in a heart beat "a mom," except for when I was younger and I thought being a waitress or working for In-N-Out was the coolest thing in the world (thanks to my uncles, Steven and Kevin, working there). I remember even when we started talking career aptitude tests, I always thought it was kinda pointless because my life dream was to get married and have a family. My high school jobs were always nannying and I feel in love with the kids, even though I recognized that it was hard to be a mom and nannying is hard! But I've always been envious of when the mom comes home and can calm the baby down in a heartbeat. It touches my heart.

Helping Lauryn with HW on a road trip!

My senior year I began to realized that being a mom was super hard. I noticed that my mom was often tired and that the life of a mom seemed tough, the same thing day to day; cleaning, making meals, and taking care of the kids. But one thing I really admired about my mom is that she loved to spend time with us. She wasn't the mom who was excited for her kids to go back to school, she was SAD that day school started because that meant she couldn't see her kids as much as she wanted to, no matter how much of a pain we were. Even watching the hardships, motherhood always seemed attractive to me. I believe in the life before this Earth, I just wanted to be a mom.

All of the sudden, though, I was a senior in high school, about to go to college and trying to figure out what to major in. I loved history so I considered a degree in history. My mom pushed me to try elementary education but I knew I didn't want to be a teacher. I guess I thought my life would be attending BYU for a year or so, only to be swept off my feet by a RM (returned missionary), and start a family.....and get a degree in history. I shaped up a bit, realized I hated history and was lost without a path to go. I needed a new major. Again, I was pushed towards elementary education. I signed up for two sociology classes instead and one last history class. I thought for sure sociology was the major for me and boy, was I right.

So onto my views...in my gender class, we talk about how from birth, we are socialized to be either feminine or masculine  Girls are given baby toys and boys are given monster trucks. That's life, that's how it's been and in my opinion, that's how it will always be. And I don't see that as a bad thing.
But I go back to my friend in my soc class. I admire this girl so much, as she wants to have a career and be a mother second. And that's fine! I think that's awesome, really. I've been wondering, though, how she got to that point. Was it in her nature, from birth? Or was she socialized to think that way? I can't answer that question for her, but I can answer that question for me.

I believe that it is my nature to be a mother. I have always cared about people, most of the time more than myself. I'll take the time to listen to everyone's deepest care or concern and try to be as sympathetic as possible and let them know that I really care. However, I was also socialized to be a mother. As my mother was a stay at home mom, I just thought that was the way to be. I've had one aunt in my life who has worked as a high school math teacher, but otherwise, all the women role models I've had have been stay at home moms and I think that is one of the most noblest "occupations" there is! It's what I've always wanted to do and what I'd like to still do.

So when both of my classes were focused on feminism this week, I've realized why I'm not convinced that gender equality is a problem. It's because that I believe being a mother is one of the noblest and purest "jobs" in this world. I believe that there is no one more influential in raising the next generation than a mother. In the word's of Harold B. Lee, "the most important of the Lord's work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes" and I believe that is true...for me. I've figured out what works for me and I will stick to that. I've realized that there are many people who will look down on me for that or think that I am limiting myself by being a mom. But I do not believe that.

I've always loved this quote from Boy Meets World- "you do your thing, I'll do mine. You go your way, I'll go mine. And if we end up together, it's beautiful." I support careers, I support motherhood. But the second someone tries to convince me to get a career and put a family on hold is the second that we're no longer beautiful, so to speak. I'll respect your views if you respect mine. For me, that's motherhood. For you, that might be a career. And that's great. We need both. We need mothers, strong women, to prepare the rising generation for the evil that the world brings. We need women in careers to teach children that they can do anything they want, regardless of gender norms. We, as a society, need to stop pushing our views on each other. We don't need an army of feminists, but if we never had any, would women be able to vote today? Own property? Our society focuses so much on standing out that those who go with the flow are overlooked. Because of my free agency and ability to be whoever I want, I can conform to the LDS viewpoint of being a mother and that should be just fine with you.

A New Semester, New Beginnings, and New Blog!

Why hello world! Yes, I have started a new blog. I've decided this will be my "junior year" blog, cause, ahhh!, I've made it to my junior year, technically speaking. I can't BELIEVE IT! It's crazy how time flies.

Cailey, Jordyn, Dania and I
(From left to right..)

Well, I decided back in October to stay for spring semester and so far, it's been great!!! I still live in the same apartment complex but a different building. I LOVE my new apartment, there is so much space for four girls! Oh and speaking of girls, I have three of the sweetest girls I have ever met for roommates! My roommate's name is Dania and she is one of the nicest girls ever. She is so full of energy and knows how to have a good time...she also screams every time she sees me which makes me so happy! Haha I love her! My other two roommates are Jordyn and Cailey, who are so much fun as well! Cailey has such a great sense of style and always makes sure to ask how I'm doing, which I appreciate a looot! Jordyn and I have had some pretty wild times already and she'll be living with me year round so I'm excited to have fall and winter together! Basically, I have the best roommates everr. :)

First day of work!

My semester, or term, is going good! I have three class; choir, SOC of gender and SOC of family. The classes are super long which makes it hard but I really love soc of gender. We basically all share our opinions the whole time which I find super interesting. The SOC of family class is from 4-6:30 on M/W and it's HARD to stick it through that class. I'm hoping it becomes easier as the days grow on. The term is going by so fast, it's scary!

I now have a job too! Wahoo! I work on campus for BYU Catering. I've only worked two shifts but it was a blast. I love having a purpose and just working towards making people happy. I think that's one of the things I like most in life--making people smile. It's great to feed off the energy and to know that we're all working towards a common goal. I really really like it!

I've recently become a bit of a health nut....nothing too extreme, I still LOVE chocolate, people. But I love running. Okay, I don't love running but I love running and then eating. Still healthy, right? Spinach is really good too, why didn't I know that before? I guess I'm growing up a bit and realizing that all that processed food is GROSS and unhealthy. But I still have my weak moments when a bowl of ice cream calls my name....mmmm....like now....haha.

Girl's Night Out!

The story behind my blog title? Haha, I've recently gotten asked a lot of questions about a mission. For now, a mission isn't in my plans. I'm hoping for an older couple mission later on in life if the opportunity comes around but for now, I'm just living life-going to school, making friends and enjoying every minute. So people normally assume I'm not going on a mission because of a certain boy, haha. Nope, not for now! For now, it's just me and I'm okay with that. I'm learning a lot about myself and working on myself to become better for someone someday. :) It was scary at first to learn that a big chance was going to happen in my life but I've adjusted so well-I feel like I could do ANYTHING, which is a great feeling. I have a lot of time on my own to think and just grow, it's great. But I do sometimes wish I was already home, living up summer but I know I have a purpose here!
Well.....here goes nothing! The start of a new term, a new year in a way and a new blog! Enjoy, beloved followers!