Three Years and Counting...

Not gonna lie. As I sit here tonight, I am emotional drained. My head is pounding from some lack of sleep but also because my emotional capacity is filled. But January 27th is an important milestone in my life so I had to write tonight. It marks the first time I really dealt with a trial, when I had to humble myself, trust in God, use the enabling power of the Atonement, and discovered that Christ is ALWAYS there for you and me.

I wrote my last college essay on the experience I had 3 years ago today. Here's part of the essay to understand what happened and how I now deal with hard times when they come my way.

Castlewood Canyon, Colorado

    In January 2013, I was bored at BYU during my sophomore year of college.  This boredom caused me to plan a weekend trip to Colorado with three of friends. The trip was amazing—we explored the great outdoors, saw the sights of Colorado Springs, and felt so carefree for a mere 48 hours. We decided to drive back to Provo through dreary Wyoming. 
    Suddenly, the car jerked.  All sound stopped. I didn't hear anything after the screeching of tires, the screech that leaves behind black hideous marks on the freeway. It all went silent.  But with wide eyes, I remember my body turning twice. Rolling. Legs on the ceiling of the car. The car on its side. The car starting to roll once more. Trying to brace myself. Trying to get it to stop. Trying....to hold onto anything. The car stopped with a jolt.  The first sounds I hear again were hysterical cries "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."  Another voice, "is everyone okay?"  Then I hear deep, shallow breathing.  The breaths are trying to bring in deep gulps of air but for some reason, the lungs couldn't fill up.  It is so loud.  I want them to stop.  Then I realize it’s me. My tears start while my breathing continues.  I can’t get sounds or words out.  My friend is in my face, pulling on my hair, saying, "She's in shock. Megan, focus. You're okay." His hands are in my face again and I realize he's pulling glass out of my hair and away from my eyes. Then, a face in the window. I don't remember the window being rolled down and that's when I realize it's smashed, the glass all over me. The face in window asks again, "Is everyone ok?"  I look at her blankly. A voice answers for me, "We’re all fine except for her. We need to call an ambulance."
    That's when reality snaps. No. I try again to speak, louder. Nothing comes out. I practically scream “NO” and my friend looks at me. He again moves closer and asks if I can move my feet and my toes.  I nod.  He says that we need to call my parents after the ambulance is called.  I start to cry.  He immediately moves to the middle seat, holds my hand, and comforts me as if I'm a child who awoke from a nightmare. But this isn't a nightmare and my mind is racing. My thoughts go to the worst little word that can destroy you. Why? Why me?

    I calm down.  Breathing hurts but I can breathe.  My parents are called.  I cry more.  They promise to fly if anything serious happens at the hospital. I calmly tell my friend that I won't get in their ambulance unless someone promises that he'll come.  The paramedics arrive, another face in the window.  I firmly as possible inform them that I won’t go to the hospital unless he comes.  They aren't listening to me. I practically scream “I. Will. Not. Go. With. You. Unless. He. Comes.”  They agree, while the jaws of life are used to open the door.  The plastic hard stretcher comes in the car. A paramedic puts a neck brace on me.  I'm cold.  It's windy.  And I don't have shoes on.  I'm lifted into the ambulance.  I can't see anything.  I just see faces of paramedics who look concerned.  There's a tickling in my nose.  It’s an oxygen line. Forty long eternal minutes later, we’re at the hospital. My first time in a hospital...alone...without my family, in the middle of Wyoming.
   After another eternal few hours, I was discharged from the emergency room with no broken bones. I thought I was fine, until I walked.  Every step sent shooting pains through my back and neck. We checked into a Motel 6 and everyone stares at me as I am helped in bed.  I feel like screaming.  I can't stand their gazes.  I just want everything to be normal.  We stayed overnight in Wyoming and I had the first of many sleepless nights to come, unable to get comfortable and stay asleep.
    Back in Utah, I visited a chiropractor who informs me that I have torn ligaments in my neck and the alignment of my back is way off track. Physical therapy, painful massages, and electric treatment to get the alignment of my spine back to normal is the course of action. The days ahead are the most painful of my life.

It shocks me that this was three years ago and yet I remember everything like it was yesterday. I mean, my back and neck daily remind me that this happened. But I'm grateful for the pain. It's a constant reminder that I can make it through anything and that Christ knows me personally. He was there for me on sleepless nights, on hard physical therapy days and during moments when I had to humble myself in order to ask for His help. More than that, I'm grateful for this trial. It's made the hardest times in my life a little bit easier and I always know what to do when trials hit. It wasn't a bad luck, a freak accident. It was part of my life story and I know that now more than ever.

Trials are going to come, whether we like it or not. That's part of life. That's part of being human. But what we can decide is how we act. Do we lose hope and give up? Or do we trust that God is in control and has a better plan? Do We lean on Christ and Keep our faith? You will decide. And it will make all the difference.