God is in Control

I've had a rough semester. But as it is nearing to an end, I've noticed something. While life might not be going to my plan, God is always in control and has a plan for me and my life.

Back in January, I started getting some weird pain. I noticed it running--it felt like a stitch in my side but it lasted for a long time after running and felt like the skin was tearing. I thought it was some sympathy pain but then I felt awful after eating...anything. February was a month full of pain and I finally decided to see a doctor, who suggested it was probably my gallbladder. I did some research, talked to my aunt, and was pretty scared. But I pressed forward and continued to go to doctor appointments, take medication and I even kept a food diary, which is what every college student wants to do.

Well, every result, ultrasound, test, EVERYTHING has come back normal. It's been an entirely frustrating process (even though I'm grateful I don't have gallstones, food allergies or Celiac's disease), as I'm still in pain after eating anything and I often toss and turn in bed as my side hurts so bad every night. It's been really hard and some days I want to give up. But, as March was a rough month, I have courage and know that God is in control and has a plan. I knew that from the get go, but last week, that knowledge was ingrained into me once more.

My doctor had one other plan for me after another test came back normal--a HIDA scan. She explained to me over the phone and used the words "nuclear," "tracer," "act like a fatty meal," and "painless process." My doctor's nurse called me back to make an appointment and I explained that M/W/F would work with my school schedule. She made the appt at 10 on Friday April 3rd. Well, then I realized my family would be coming in and I didn't want to be doing this scan while they were here. So I asked her to make it on Wednesday, April 1st and she agreed, even though she knew I'd be missing my class. I emailed my professor and everything was set.

I arrived thirty minutes early to the radiology section of the hospital, pretty nervous. I waited 10 minutes past my appointment time, watching everyone who walked back and forth wondering who would be helping me with this. As my name was called, I looked up to see a girl I thought was around my age. My heart leaped with joy! She was super cute and not an old man, and I felt so much comfort and relief.

We went into the room and she explained the process.  Using an IV, she would inject a nuclear tracer that would act as a fatty meal. My gallbladder would be filled with bile and then we would use the HIDA scan part to take pictures of my gallbladder and digestive system to figure out what was going on. She explained with confidence and ease and I felt continued peace. Being the new "daredevil" that I am, I watched her put in the IV (note to self, my right hand has the best vines) and then I was allowed back in the waiting room for about thirty minutes to let the tracer/IV do its work.

I sat, watched family feud, read Insurgent, and waited. The nurse, Valerie, came back and got me. I didn't have to change into a gown and I laid down on the table, still a little nervous but pretty relieved. I then realized that she would probably be in there with me the whole hour. I didn't know if I wanted to read, use my phone, watch TV or listen to music, so I picked the easiest choice of flipping channels. However, after about 5 minutes, I realized she would be a lot more fun to talk to then tuning out the world.

Valerie sat next to me, put her feet up and looked up at the TV with me. Soon, we started making small talk and then I turned my head in her direction as we began talking. Somehow, I mentioned that my little sister was dating an RM and that she was 18. She told me that her freshman year at BYU, almost every girl in her dorm was dating or engaged by the end of the year. I asked her how old she was (noticing during the IV process that was single) and she told me she was 28, with her masters degree and all these other doctor/nurse/medical tests completed. She then mentioned that sometimes she looks at these girls who date so seriously when they are so young and wants to tell them to hold onto those boys, because dating gets harder when you get older. She told me however that she had loved being single, she had gone on a study abroad, finished school, and enjoyed living on her own. I looked at this confident 28 year old super cute girl and envied her. Then I realized, haha, I'm there. I'm 21, single, and ready to live my life for ME and try new things that I never liked before. I got excited to follow this girl's example.

She then started telling me some dating stories. For just meeting her, I felt like this was completely normal (I felt like I knew her, we just clicked so well) and she started opening up to me about her current situation. She was going to have to tell the boy she was dating how she felt and she was scared out of her mind. I simply told her that she needed to have courage and tell him exactly what she was thinking and what she wanted. And I realized, listening, that her situation was somewhat similar to what I was going through. So I told her my story, about how the breakup came out of left field and I did nothing wrong. I told her how unfair life was when you're not in control. But I told her that courage makes everything better.

She paid me a great compliment, telling me that I'd be a great therapist or counselor one day. As my scan was finishing, she asked me how I was being positive about all of this, dealing with health problems, life changes and dealing with the fact that someone else's agency is affecting my life. I told her that I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father listens to my prayers. And I know that I have help on the other side. Angels are around me, sending me courage to do things I never wanted to do or planned to do. She looked at me, repeating the word courage. I realized in that moment that meeting Valie was NOT a coincidence. She hugged me, we walked out together, and we hugged again.

I was on top of the world as I left that scan. I knew that Valerie was someone I was supposed to meet. I knew my scan was supposed to be on that day. Regardless of results, the months of pain and not eating, I was supposed to be at that scan on that day to meet Valerie and talk to her. It was one of those moments that was so dear to my heart, the knowledge and peace and Spirit that I felt when at the scan and anytime I think about it.

I know that there is a reason for the change in my life. March was a hard month but also one of the most rewarding months of my life. In 31 days, I changed my attitude about hard things, I looked for trying new things, became a better friends to those who needed it, and grew closer to my Heavenly Father. I know that things happen for a reason. I know that amazing, beautiful things come out of trials. I know that something will happen with my health to help me or help someone else out there. And I know that life is hard but we can do hard things with help from above.