The Never Ending To-Do List

I recently posted on Facebook a fact that my lovely friend Alex gave me. She said that the average person doesn't smile till approximately 11:25 on a Monday morning. I don't know what it is about society, but we all hate Mondays. We live for the weekends and during the week, we have Mondays, which are socially unacceptable to like....then we have Wednesdays or HUMP DAAAY, which is like the we're-almost-at-the-weekend day and then we have TGIF, thank *goodness* it's Friday. Then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday fly by, only to realize that we're back at hating Mondays.

I sadly agree with this phenomena but for a different reason. I hate Mondays because it reminds me of how unsuccessful I was at finishing homework, going grocery shopping and many other things that I now have to find time for this week. And I hate Mondays because my to do list becomes longer and longer and longer. (Currently, it's a two page word document. Awwwwesome.)

Now, I love to-do lists. There is nothing better than crossing off something on your list and the small feeling of accomplishment that comes from that. But there is nothing worse than added 10 new to-do list items and the feeling of HELPPPP, I'm drowning and I can't get up. It's real and I know how it feels. Yeah, I'm just a college student.....but I'm a college student. My mental to do list has things like visiting teaching, start my relief society lesson, attend that devotional or this fireside, do the dishes, work out, make a healthy meal and then do more dishes, get all my homework, studying, reading done, oh and while you're at it, try to be social, date and find a husband. Yeah, I'm drowning. Especially in my senior year, surrounded by people who have either recently returned from missions or my sister, who's a freshman, I just have so much to do. So many assignments that I feel like I'm drowning.

Lucky for me (and unlucky for my to do list), I have made the goal to make Sundays different. I'm choosing not to do homework on Sunday, which to many may seem absolutely crazy. And it is. If I used the hours before church and hours after church to catch up on homework and studying, I would be a less stressed. But I'm choosing to make Sunday a day a rest. So yesterday, while making breakfast, I popped in my earphones and listened to President Uchtdorf's talk "Of Things that Matter Most." If you haven't seen this Mormon Message, I encourage you to watch it. (It's one of the ones that make me cry, with happy tears.)

So, I'm listening to this talk and thinking, yeah it's a good talk but how does this apply to me? Today, as I woke up early to do homework and checked LearningSuite and realized just how much I have to accomplish today, I freaked out. My palms got sweaty and I started shaking and I promised to lock myself in the library.  But, I think we all need to listen to President Uchtdorf's advice.
We don't need to wear our business as a badge. Yes, while there are things in life we must do, we need to take it one day at a time and not become completely overwhelmed. We need to realize that in every day, there are moments that matter most, and not to become too focused on our never ending to-do lists. Besides, my worth is not determined by my to do list. He Knows me Better.

Tender Mercies of the Lord

"But behold, I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 

Nephi told us to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, right? Well, lemme tell ya, my name could be replaced with Nephi perfectly. 

Well, my first week of my senior year of college has come and gone, really without anything too problematic. Yes, I did sit in a class this week where I knew instantly I had to drop it but overall life was good. I started making plans and being social and suddenly, I realized it was Saturday night, I was exhausted from baking, and I had a long week ahead of me. I sat there, last night, beating myself up for all the times I wasn't productive or all the things I haven't finished and went to sleep pretty miserable.

To make matters worse (or better, as I came to find out), today was Fast Sunday (for those of you who don't know, this is the first Sunday of the month where Latter-day Saints choose not to eat or drink for two meals in order to be in tune with the Spirit). I awoke cranky but decided to make the best of it. 

Within the first hour of church, I knew God was looking out for me--personally. The Relief Society lesson was on Remember Who You Are! by Elaine S. Dalton, which talked about our potential as women and to remember who we were before this life. It was exactly what I needed to hear, as I spent the night before beating myself up over all the little things in my life that aren't perfect and all of the every day stressors that I have. Tender Mercy #1.

During the second hour of church, I ended up in a Preach my Gospel class, which honestly, I was skeptical about.  Within a few minutes, I knew that this would be my Tender Mercy #2, as the lesson was on Elder Bednar's recent address at Education Week on sharing the gospel.  This talk happens to be on my to do list to read at some time but I have been bogged down in other responsibilities that I wasn't able to listen to or read. I smiled when I found out the lesson was on this talk and was even more excited when we watched part of it. Tender Mercy #2.

After church, when the reality of school tomorrow set in, I panicked, as I realized on Saturday that I forgot the one book I actually really need for my semester. I have one friend in the class but of course, I don't have her number. As I began to freak out, I realized that I had a friend on Facebook who probably had her number and with that, I received yet another tender mercy. The friend happened to be online, had the girl's number and I was able to contact my friend with the book. I went over to her house about 10 minutes later and will now be able to complete the assignment. Tender Mercy #3. 

And just when I thought that Heavenly Father had finished blessing my day, He remembered me once again. I have a ton of things on my plate this week, which is good. I like being busy but as the night gets later, I began to become more stressed out and worried on how everything was going to get done. Sadly, one event that I wanted to host this week got canceled. I am bummed but realized that this too is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, as I honestly don't know how I would be able to accomplish this week. Tender Mercy #4.

I am beyond grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know that He personally knows me and knows my challenges, my strengths and my weaknesses. I know that without Him, I would not be able to make it through the week. I need Him every hour, oh Gracious Lord. I know that tender mercies are God's gift to the faithful and I will continue to be faithful in my attempts to return to Him once more. I know that His church is true and has been restored on the earth today through a true prophet of God, Joseph Smith. Tender mercies are out there, folks. It's just up to you to recognize them through the whisperings of the Spirit.

To Forgive is Divine

I give second chances out like free donuts. If you mess up once, I'll give you a second chance and most of the time, I'll give you a third and a fourth. To err is human. No one is perfect and I know I'm far from it, which is why I've always been willing to forgive.

With this in mind, I've been watching some Dennis Prager University videos, thanks to a challenge from my grandparents. I find something good in each one and normally, I come away feeling empowered or with a new idea in mind. So, I was sitting in my room this past week before BYU started, trying to finish the 50 videos when I came upon this one about forgiveness. And boy, was it something I needed to hear.

In this little course UCLA Psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer talked about three different kinds of forgiveness. As earlier mentioned, I feel like I'm pretty good at the first type he discussed, which is the "normal forgiveness" or exoneration.  This is why you wipe the slate clean and give the person a second chance after the harmful action, especially when the person does their best to ask for forgiveness.  Marmer says that if you don't offer forgiveness in this situation, it's more harmful to you. The second type of forgiveness Marmer discussed is forbearance, when the offender doesn't give a decent apology or puts part of the blame on you. He says that you should realize that maybe you had a part in it and still forgive or at least cease the grudges.

But what I really wanted to talk about is the last type of forgiveness, which is release.  At first, I was confused on what this type of forgiveness really means. I mean, I think release comes with every type of forgiveness, when you release the grudges. But Marmer explains that release is a type of forgiveness when the person does not apologize or does not take responsibility for their actions.  In order for you to move past this, you need to release these feelings.

In my own life, I can think of two huge events in my life where I still play the "victim mentality," because of an accident and because someone did not take responsibility for their actions.

1. The "Infamous" Car Accident -- For my new readers, hey, I was in a car accident over a year ago. I was not the driver and I was the only one in the car that was hurt. For awhile, I struggled with that, as it was really an accident. It's not like the driver was like oh hey, I think I want to wreck a car today. It was an accident and it was a freak accident that I was the only one hurt (NOT because I was the only one not preparing for a mission, which is what I thought at the time).  But while I was listening to this Prager, I realized that I still totally consider myself a victim of this random accident. I mean, sometimes, I still blame the driver because of x, y, or z. While thinking about this, I realized I need to release these bad feelings. I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason, either a blessing or a lesson and I've come to realize that God needed to teach me to rely on Him from this accident. In the coming days, weeks, and months, I want to release these bad feelings, realize that this is my life and I will make the most of it.

2. Past Relationships -- I was in a relationship that ended with my S.O. cheating on me. And if you are lucky enough never to have this happen to you, bless you and thank your lucky stars that it hasn't happen. If you've had an experience like this, you know what it feels like. It's the worse feeling in the world to realize that you gave your all in the relationship and were not enough for someone, that they needed to get some on the side. It cuts deep. What was harder was when that person didn't take responsibility and didn't feel bad. That was really hard to hear, that something terrible had happened to me and the person who did it felt "numb." I was suppose to feel numb but inside I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I realized that I will never be friends with this person again and that really hurt as well. But I couldn't give any more chances or forgive him one more time or I would just be hurt again.

However, while listening to this Prager, I realized that this experience was not an accident.  This was intentional.  This was a choice that he made. When I realized this, I finally understood. I can't keep holding onto this. I am a daughter of God and He sees my worth.  He knows every pain I have felt and He loves me, regardless of anything I have done in my life. I need to have that release or how can I move on in my life? I cannot continue to define my life as "that girl who was cheated on" or even continue to feel like this was my fault, because it wasn't. I need to release these bad feelings to let go of that burden.

Now, keep in mind, I just realized this. I'm twenty years old and I've mastered forgiveness, right? Ha, no way. But, I think I have a good take on how to continue living my life. I still want to be an example of forgiveness and I will continue to evaluate my relationships. But I'm tired of carrying baggage and I'm ready to release. After all, to err is human but to forgive is divine.

(Here's the link to the Prager University, if you want to learn more:)