Three Years and Counting...

Not gonna lie. As I sit here tonight, I am emotional drained. My head is pounding from some lack of sleep but also because my emotional capacity is filled. But January 27th is an important milestone in my life so I had to write tonight. It marks the first time I really dealt with a trial, when I had to humble myself, trust in God, use the enabling power of the Atonement, and discovered that Christ is ALWAYS there for you and me.

I wrote my last college essay on the experience I had 3 years ago today. Here's part of the essay to understand what happened and how I now deal with hard times when they come my way.

Castlewood Canyon, Colorado

    In January 2013, I was bored at BYU during my sophomore year of college.  This boredom caused me to plan a weekend trip to Colorado with three of friends. The trip was amazing—we explored the great outdoors, saw the sights of Colorado Springs, and felt so carefree for a mere 48 hours. We decided to drive back to Provo through dreary Wyoming. 
    Suddenly, the car jerked.  All sound stopped. I didn't hear anything after the screeching of tires, the screech that leaves behind black hideous marks on the freeway. It all went silent.  But with wide eyes, I remember my body turning twice. Rolling. Legs on the ceiling of the car. The car on its side. The car starting to roll once more. Trying to brace myself. Trying to get it to stop. Trying....to hold onto anything. The car stopped with a jolt.  The first sounds I hear again were hysterical cries "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."  Another voice, "is everyone okay?"  Then I hear deep, shallow breathing.  The breaths are trying to bring in deep gulps of air but for some reason, the lungs couldn't fill up.  It is so loud.  I want them to stop.  Then I realize it’s me. My tears start while my breathing continues.  I can’t get sounds or words out.  My friend is in my face, pulling on my hair, saying, "She's in shock. Megan, focus. You're okay." His hands are in my face again and I realize he's pulling glass out of my hair and away from my eyes. Then, a face in the window. I don't remember the window being rolled down and that's when I realize it's smashed, the glass all over me. The face in window asks again, "Is everyone ok?"  I look at her blankly. A voice answers for me, "We’re all fine except for her. We need to call an ambulance."
    That's when reality snaps. No. I try again to speak, louder. Nothing comes out. I practically scream “NO” and my friend looks at me. He again moves closer and asks if I can move my feet and my toes.  I nod.  He says that we need to call my parents after the ambulance is called.  I start to cry.  He immediately moves to the middle seat, holds my hand, and comforts me as if I'm a child who awoke from a nightmare. But this isn't a nightmare and my mind is racing. My thoughts go to the worst little word that can destroy you. Why? Why me?

    I calm down.  Breathing hurts but I can breathe.  My parents are called.  I cry more.  They promise to fly if anything serious happens at the hospital. I calmly tell my friend that I won't get in their ambulance unless someone promises that he'll come.  The paramedics arrive, another face in the window.  I firmly as possible inform them that I won’t go to the hospital unless he comes.  They aren't listening to me. I practically scream “I. Will. Not. Go. With. You. Unless. He. Comes.”  They agree, while the jaws of life are used to open the door.  The plastic hard stretcher comes in the car. A paramedic puts a neck brace on me.  I'm cold.  It's windy.  And I don't have shoes on.  I'm lifted into the ambulance.  I can't see anything.  I just see faces of paramedics who look concerned.  There's a tickling in my nose.  It’s an oxygen line. Forty long eternal minutes later, we’re at the hospital. My first time in a hospital...alone...without my family, in the middle of Wyoming.
   After another eternal few hours, I was discharged from the emergency room with no broken bones. I thought I was fine, until I walked.  Every step sent shooting pains through my back and neck. We checked into a Motel 6 and everyone stares at me as I am helped in bed.  I feel like screaming.  I can't stand their gazes.  I just want everything to be normal.  We stayed overnight in Wyoming and I had the first of many sleepless nights to come, unable to get comfortable and stay asleep.
    Back in Utah, I visited a chiropractor who informs me that I have torn ligaments in my neck and the alignment of my back is way off track. Physical therapy, painful massages, and electric treatment to get the alignment of my spine back to normal is the course of action. The days ahead are the most painful of my life.

It shocks me that this was three years ago and yet I remember everything like it was yesterday. I mean, my back and neck daily remind me that this happened. But I'm grateful for the pain. It's a constant reminder that I can make it through anything and that Christ knows me personally. He was there for me on sleepless nights, on hard physical therapy days and during moments when I had to humble myself in order to ask for His help. More than that, I'm grateful for this trial. It's made the hardest times in my life a little bit easier and I always know what to do when trials hit. It wasn't a bad luck, a freak accident. It was part of my life story and I know that now more than ever.

Trials are going to come, whether we like it or not. That's part of life. That's part of being human. But what we can decide is how we act. Do we lose hope and give up? Or do we trust that God is in control and has a better plan? Do We lean on Christ and Keep our faith? You will decide. And it will make all the difference.

Never Losing Faith: How This Year is Better than 2015

Two weeks ago, I was packing up my room at home, heading back up to cold, frost bitten Utah. At that time, I'm not going to lie--I wasn't excited at all. Instead, I was frustrated that I wasn't packing up to head to beautiful FIJI, my dream destination. Little did I know that Heavenly Father always knows what's better for me.

Back tracking to Summer 2015. I was home and desperately wanting to live my dream of going to Help International and living in Fiji. I researched as much as I could and even convinced my parents to let me go for a graduation gift starting February 2016. They agreed and I was ecstatic! When I was moving into my apartment in August, I didn't do a ton of decorating like I normally do because I assumed I'd only be here for a semester. I remember when my mom was helping me move in, she took a bag full of t-shirts home so I could wear them specifically in Fiji. However, in September, I was sitting in the temple and suddenly knew that I shouldn't go to Fiji. I didn't know why and honestly, I didn't want to believe that was the answer I was getting. But every time during that hour I thought about Fiji, my heart would race and I felt anxious. I thought maybe I was nervous....but I knew. I knew it was my answer not to go to Fiji. A few weeks later, in a blessing from my brother-in-law, I was told that should I apply to graduate school, I would get into the school I needed to go to. I sighed internally. No Fiji and now graduate school? Graduate school has been on the back burner of my life for the past two years, knowing I should go and not wanting to apply to school AGAIN, feeling burnt out....etc. etc. etc. I told myself I'd look into things next semester but was honestly lost on where to go.


Then, I was led to where I needed to be. I was walking out of my first class on a Wednesday during October and went out a different way than normal. A computer screen caught my eye. "MFT GRADUATE SCHOOL FAIR, FRIDAY, WILK GARDEN COURT." Heavenly Father led to me a Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate School Fair, because I hardly ever walk out that way, never mind looking around the building. I went, thinking I'd come back with a few graduate schools in mind. However, I was more drawn to two booths talking about residential treatment centers. I took down information and was excited for the possibility of jobs! (Especially after checking out my bank account....lol!) In November, Center for Change had a job opportunity open! I started filling out the application and was ready to submit it, except I had a few questions left to answer. The day I decided to finish the application, I woke up extremely sick and if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know what happened next. I ended up in the hospital with salmonella and the job closed by the time I was better and thinking about jobs again. I was crushed!

However, a week or so after getting out of the hospital, I had two job interviews for two other residential treatment centers!! My hopes soared just like my nerves. I had never had a "real interview," and I was so so so nervous. I went to both interviews and so badly wanted the jobs but had no luck. I went home for Christmas break extremely nervous for what my future held. My prayers turned into a lot of pleading but "Thy Will Be Done" endings. I always felt at peace about things but I was scared out of my mind to go back to Provo. Well, that's not true. I was scared for the week AFTER my family left. I was looking forward to hanging with the family and actually enjoying a "winter break."

A few days after Christmas, I looked at Center For Change's website and there it was, the job I wanted was open once again! I quickly fill out the application and sent it in that night! The NEXT morning, I got a phone call and I couldn't contain my excitement. But then the worry of being in California came into play. But, again, Heavenly Father was looking out for me. The interviews were going to finished the Tuesday I would be back in Utah. I took the opportunity and headed to the interview more nervous than ever, knowing how badly I wanted this opportunity. The first interview went well, it felt more like a conversation than anything. I got a second interview and the next day, I returned back for a quick, fast paced interview and I left praying that I would receive a job offer.

My family and I headed up to the Salt Lake Temple the next day and I knew my phone would be off for a good couple hours. As I was sitting in the celestial room, I was praying so hard. I knew God had a plan for me. I was willing to take those steps into the darkness to be shown the light. I was willing to put the work in if He just showed me what He needed me to do. After the end of my prayers, I felt really good. I imagined the scene in my mind--stepping out of the temple, turning on my phone and seeing a voicemail. Well, that scene became REALITY. 10 minutes later, I called back and was offered the job!

Pretty good story, right? Seems like everything is going pretty good in my life right now. So far, 2016 is starting off really well for me. But I have to take a second to admire my hardships of 2015. My health took a turn for the worst a year ago almost today. My heart was broken two months into the year. I left my Provo home to get my gallbladder out. I had some pretty lonely days and some extremely hard times. I had a rough fall semester full of fear of what to do and what the future held for me. But one thing never changed. I can honestly say I never lost my faith. I had nights where I questioned what I was doing or why this was happening to me. But I prayed. I attended the temple. I read my scriptures and conference talks. I went to church and actually paid attention. I'm not saying I was perfect but I did all I could.

What I really learned in 2015 is Heavenly Father is always there for you and me and us and we. That never changes. No matter how many trials we go through. No matter how many times our hearts are broken. Jesus Christ is the ultimate Healer and He knows all that we go through. He has felt every pain, every devastating moment, every lonely moment.  He is there for us when no one else is. He is the first person we should turn to.

Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us. At times, it's so very hard to see that. It's hard to take those initial steps in the darkness, always praying and asking is this what I need to do? Heavenly Father knows. He knows that life isn't easy. But He is always there, waiting to show us the way. We just need to be willing to follow Him and promise to never lose our faith in His plan.