I Need Thee Every Hour

Sitting in Sunday School today, I heard another room in the MARB singing I Need Thee Every Hour and I couldn't help but reflect.

"I need thee every hour
In joy or pain
Come quickly and abide
Or life is vain.
I need thee O I need thee
Every hour I need thee
Oh bless me now my Savior
I come to thee."

A year ago today, I was sitting in a ward in Falcon, Colorado. Three of my friends and I had taken a break from school to visit our friend who was about to leave on a mission. I was bummed that the weekend had gone by so fast and was not looking forward to coming back to school. After church, we headed back home, opting for a route through Wyoming. We stopped along the way at the driver's house in Laramie. The second we got back in the car, for some reason, I felt uneasy and couldn't shake the feeling.

About 30 minutes later, the driver drifted off the side of the road. In effort to correct herself, she over corrected into the next lane, heading straight for a semi truck. Again, she over corrected and we veer off the freeway completely.

Wverything went quiet. When the car had stopped rolling, my ears were ringing and the first noise I recognized was my own breathing. My friend sitting next to me unbuckled my seat belt and started pulling glass out of my hair. He asked me if I was okay and I couldn't answer. I had gone into complete shock and all I knew was my back was killing me. The windows were broken and a few cars had stopped and someone threw blankets on me, to shield us from the cold wind. I began to cry.

The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I was taken in an ambulance to the ER about 40 minutes away. I badly wanted my parents with me. I cried a lot and even though I was surrounded by friends, people who cared about me and emergency personnel, I felt very alone and scared.

A miracle had happened, as after x rays, nothing was broken and no one else was seriously hurt from the crash. I knew I was in bad shape as moving brought severe pain. I would find out later that I had torn ligaments in my neck and the alignment of my back was no longer straight. But I was alive. That night as I closed my eyes, the dreams began. I could see the accident, feel the pain and didn't sleep at all. I remember crying, alone in the hotel room.

After we made it back to Provo, I knew my life would be different. I couldn't walk fast and even at the slowest pace, every step hurt. I was overwhelmed by the love and support that came my way. I put on a face and was going to be that brave survivor of a tragedy. But inside, I was hurt, confused and so alone.

The first day back at school was a particular hard day. As I collapsed into my seat in New Testament, we began to sing I Need Thee Every Hour. I couldn't make it through the first line. I cried, ashamed of myself. I had failed to recognized that I am never alone and needed Christ every hour, in joy and more importantly, pain.

That night, while scared to go to sleep and unable to fall asleep from the constant pain, I got on my knees and prayed the hardest I ever had in my life. I prayed for strength, for comfort, and for understanding. I prayed that I wouldn't be alone. And in those moments of deep despair, I felt arms surround me.

In those dark moments, I knew that my Savior Jesus Christ knew that I was struggling and He was lifting me up, reminding me that I am never alone.

I bear testimony that we are never alone. We are children of a loving Heavenly Father who sent His Son to die for us, to pay for our sins and every pain we have ever felt. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only one who truly knows how we feel at all time and He is ready to help us at every hour, as long as we let him in.

Emerging Adulthood

“It seems to me that the years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult – but you are not ready.”

There's a new phenomenon going on in the world today and I have mixed opinions. However, I find it applicable to my life and suuuper interesting.
In sociology, there's a man named Jeffery Arnett who has devoted his current research to this phenomenon. Emerging Adulthood, he says, is the period of time from about age 18 and could go onto about age 25 where adolescents grow, experiment, learn, work, go to school, create romantic relationships, etc. It's a time period of self interest, where adolescents or young adults live alone and are independent.
This change is super apparent in the world as marriage is losing its value and cohabitation (a very selfish trend, IMHO, more on that another time) is the new way to live life. After college, these emerging adults either go onto more school or into a career, while thoughts about "settling down" are far from their mind.

Jeffery Arnett

This "worldly" view strongly contrasts two viewpoints in my life. Let's start with the generation gap. All of the emerging adults right now have parents who most likely married out of college or still in college, who had parents that married without college or during college. These past two generations married young and there's nothing wrong with that. With the economy, war times, religious expectations, etc., it just made sense. That's the way it had been and that's the way it was going to be. But with the change in technology, modern advances, and failing economy, it might not make a lot of sense to get married so young. The generational gaps, however,  makes life for these emerging adults complicated. With the different viewpoints floating around, it can be hard to sort through what is right for one and what is works for each individual, especially if parents don't always approve of said choices.
However, the one I'm finding more friction is my religion. Let me start by saying that the one major goal I'm working for in my life is marriage, especially to a worthy LDS man in the temple. But...with the way things are going with the world, there is *some* change in my LDS religion. The average age of marriage has strongly increased in the world but it has also gone up in the church. My parenting and child guidance teacher always tells us that for fun we should ask students on campus what is the perfect age to get married. He swears that we will find that most people will say age 25. And that's in the church. Although, recently, he commented that this is interesting, because with the recent age change in mission age, he would suggest that the prophets and leaders of our church are trying to tell young people to go on a mission and come back and married (which means boys leaving on missions at age 18 should get married at age 20...).

This is all very interesting to me. I'm not saying it's good or bad. But what I am saying is...why is it so wrong if I leave BYU unmarried? For my first two years of school, I felt this pressure to get married and find "the one." However, I rarely went on dates. I had my share of guy friends but dating was just not happening. And that's okay. But because of that, I think I have a mindset of I don't have enough experience to get married right now. If I could pick my future spouse and we could be married tomorrow, there's no way. I'm not ready.

So...what's the rush? I have things I want to do and I can't go live in Africa and research if I'm married. I think the Mormon culture and everyday people need to be more aware of the changing times. I think it's different for everyone. But as for me, I need time to explore. I need to make my own decisions and maybe even my own mistakes. As life is a time to learn, I plan to make every minute a time to learn, whether I'm in school, at work, or just watching people on the bus.

In the words of C.S. Lewis,
“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn.”