Lessons from a Flash Flood

We had an amazing family reunion two weeks ago. Ethan and I really enjoyed spending so much time with our extended family. One day on the reunion, a small group of us (Our family plus Alex plus the Dobbs) left Duck Creek and headed to the Cedar City Temple. Ethan and I were "celebrating" our first month of marriage and I was super excited to do sealings with him. We had a great time and I definitely felt calm and peaceful as we left the temple.

After the temple, we changed into swimsuits and water shoes to hike up the river to Karraville slot canyon. When we started hiking, we saw beautiful "Utah clouds" and it super hot. We stopped often to take pictures and take breaks. Every chance we got to hike in the water- WE DID. Soon, all you can do is really hike the river. Yes, there was a muddy trail to the sides of the river but it was so hot, that we all hiked the river instead. After about an hour or so, we reached the canyon. It was beautiful, the colors were magnificent and we really appreciate the beauty of the earth.

Around 3 o’clock while still exploring the canyon, we noticed the clouds started rolling in. I remember Stacy saying that we should turn back because the pattern at Duck Creek had been a thunderstorm every day around 3-5 in the afternoon. It was about 3:30 when the wind started to pick up. I had drenched my tank top at about 3 because it was so hot and just thirty minutes later, I was freezing. Ethan and I went down first, because he was worried he'd hold up the group due to FMD. The second we made it outside the canyon, it started to rain.

You know when you see things on the news about people caught in a flash flood and you think "how could they be so stupid to get caught in a flood?" Lemme tell ya- it's mind blowing how fast the rain comes down and mother nature turns a storm into a hailstone, fire and brimstone storm. We were quite frankly soaked through within 5 minutes. I mentioned to Ethan "We should take a picture, this is crazy!" and Ethan said "Your phone will be ruined if you grab it out now!" That's when I realized my backpack was soaked, with our phones, wallets and brand new Polaroid camera. I mentioned to Ethan I wanted to put the camera in the plastic bag he had and he said we had no time. 

Thunder crashed in the background, quite frequently and...that's when the hail started. It started small but as you're running through a river mind you without any shelter but trees, which wouldn't be so smart as lightning is flashing through the sky, the balls of ice were hitting us hard. As Ethan describes it, it started out as "airsoft bbs and grew to the size of paint balls." We were pelted with it and it would hit all over and hurt like heck. I tried to keep calm but the colder I got and the harder the hail hit, I began to lose it. 

Just then, my aunt Stacy, cousins Corey and Leilani caught up to us. They were ironically singing "I like to look for Rainbows whenever there is rain" and carrying Leilani by her arms. Leilani was bawling and as we caught some shelter, Ethan handed off his hat and we got a jacket to put on her. Remember, we're all in tank tops and bathing suits. We continued down the river, trying to run in water over rocks and taking the muddy paths when we could. Ethan was right next to me, holding my hand and telling me that we were OK and would make it. 

I didn't know how we would.

As soon as we got out of the river, we took shelter in a small area of trees, Leilani still crying and me trying to keep it together. Ethan offered Leilani a blessing and with the wind roaring, thunder crashing, and rain pelting us, we could feel the Spirit. It was hard to hear Ethan's words but Leilani calmed down and I think we all did. Corey, Stacy and Leilani took off and Ethan and I went a bit slower. The dirt path had turned to mud and we kept slipping. On the way down, we crossed the river twice and now we had multiple "new" rivers to cross. The worst was noticing that when the river flowed across the path, it flowed down to the actual river, over the cliff. Ethan was very protective, he would cross in front of me, blocking the water and I would walk carefully behind. We caught up to Stacy, Corey, and Leilani, and we could see the parking lot.

I started to process the "trauma" of the event we had been through and I couldn't help but laugh. Flash flood? Hiking in hail? Running down the mountain in the rain? It all seems so small and insignificant but in reality, it could have been a lot worst. When we reached the parking lot, we huddled together in the Dobb's van but Ethan went to work. He talked to the "trail guide" who sat in a little booth charging everyone $8 to hike and tried to convince her that it was pretty serious. She gave Ethan the Iron County's sheriff's number who still didn't believe it was "that serious." Luckily, some other hikers made it down the hill and drove their trucks up to help. We heard from Mom and she was wondering how we got through the last river. I'll post a video that doesn't do it justice, as water was just gushing and there was no longer a path. Mom said there were a bunch of people with them including babies. It probably took another hour until they made it down in trucks. When my sisters made it down the hike, we were all crying. I think the serious-ness of the situation hit us. We all made it down safely but after all the adrenaline stopped running, we crashed and cried. 

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially as I've been having drowning and flooding nightmares. If you're new to my blog, I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason. Here's some thoughts I've come up with:

1. Trust in God: Before the hike, we went to the temple. I felt so much peace, especially about upcoming life changes Ethan and I are hoping for. While on our way down the canyon and the storm hit, Ethan had such a calming presence but also I just kept remembering the peace I felt in the temple, which was hard to do while being pelted by hail. My mind was peaceful..or maybe in shock but regardless, I kept going even when we were slipping in mud and running through rivers. I trusted that Heavenly Father would bless us. This was a trial that we didn't "choose;" yes maybe our choices had us "end up" there but I was confident that we'd make it down due to trusting in Heavenly Father.

2. Prayer & Blessings DO work: Our family got split up and when it was just the five of us seeking shelter, Ethan offered and gave Leilani a blessing. In the “eye of the storm,” I felt the spirit, especially as I could barely hear the words Ethan was saying. Leilani did calm down after the blessing and when Ethan & I met up with the Dobbs, Leilani was back to her cute self.  And the blessing, I prayed harder in my heart and out loud that everyone would be safe.  While the situation was still crazy, I trusted that our prayers were being heard.

3. God has put people in our lives for certain reasons: People can be all talk about being strong and protective but Ethan showed me exactly what he’d do in time of crisis. We might have been unprepared but I felt more calm having Ethan there with me. When we were dating and through our first month of marriage, he has been very protective of me, even simply making sure I walk closer on the sidewalk than on the side near the street. While I hope we never experience a flash flood again, I know that he’ll protect our family against the flash floods of the world. 

4. Family is a literal safe haven unit God has given us: When my sisters reached the bottom, they were crying and I was crying because of the experiences and challenges we just went through.  We haven't experienced a lot of scary things like that but the love was overwhelming.  On the way home, while we were all still in shock, I felt comfortable in that car. All the hugs and ILYs and small details of the hike that were shared just showed me that families are tough and can get through the hard times.

5. Flash Floods can be a parallel to any sudden trial: This is a big one for me. Often times, we're floating through life, hiking up streams and frolicking through meadows. We think "life is so good" and then suddenly, a flash flood hits. For me and Ethan, it was returning from our honeymoon, literally an hour away from Orem and receiving news that we weren't prepared for. When I look over my life, all the trials have come suddenly-- I wasn't expecting them. This flash flood wasn't something we were expecting. We were expecting a "nice and easy" hike through a river to see a beautiful canyon. Yes, we got that but it also a trial of our faith that we weren't expecting and not prepared for. However, I feel like this will be something we think about for a long time. It'll be a comparison to later trials, or even the times of life when it feels like a constant flash flood of hard times. And hey, we have one heck of a story to tell. ;)

January Twenty-Seventh: A Reflection

            I remember sitting last spring in my therapist office, bawling uncontrollable.  I don’t remember the conversation that prompted her question but I will always remember her saying, “Why? Why, Megan, do you think you’re experiencing depression? What do you hope to gain from it?” Quite the therapist technique, turning a horrible thing into something “good.” But I remember my answer.  “I have had many experiences that make me believe that my life is supposed to be an example to others. Throughout all my trials, I’ve always believed that I needed to talk about them in order to help myself and maybe inspire others. So, I guess I have depression to help myself as well as someone else.”

            January 27^th….a day that will go down in my life history as a huge turning point. Last year, on this day, I wrote a blog with the title “Megan, A Girl who Has a Hard Life” and that just doesn’t fit well with me . I kinda hate 23 year old Megan who titled her blog that because I don’t believe that anymore. I've learned a lot in a year, I guess.

           There are so many out there with worst trials than me but as the girls at the center would say, “BUT your problems are valid!”  True but I can now say that I believe I have been blessed throughout all these trials. Looking back, there were angels with me through the following summary of some of the hard times in my life. God has humbled me when I needed it and I am grateful for that.  I’m writing today to let you, dear reader, know that I know what it feels like when you’re hurt. When you’re sad and dealing with emotional problems. What it feels like when it seems like God has left you. When you’re sitting in the hospital because of other people. What it feels like to experience all these trials alone, with people reaching out but not quite understand, not validating what you feel, telling you to pray and trust in God when you do that every day and notice no difference. What it feels like when you just want someone to say with you "that sucks." But looking back at my trials, I know that God placed angels and friends and family in my life at that time to help me, to shape me into the servant I can be today.

            With that said, here’s a not-so-quick summary of January 27th, 2013.

The Colorado Road Trip that Ended with a BANG:
            I'll admit it. I was bored. My sophomore year at college wasn't living up to the carefree easy "who needs to study" days of freshman year.  This boredom caused me to plan a weekend trip with three of my friends to go to Colorado.  The trip was amazing.  We explored the great outdoors, saw the sights of Colorado Springs, and felt so carefree for a mere 48 hours. We decided to drive the rest of the way to Utah through Wyoming.  After stopping for lunch, I took the back seat and was hoping to catch up on sleep.

Suddenly, the car jerks.  All sound stops. I don't hear anything after the screeching of tires, the screech that leaves behind black hideous marks on the freeway. Everything is silent.  But with eyes wide open, I see my body turn twice. Rolling. My legs on the ceiling of the car for a spilt second. The car on its side. The car starting to roll once more. Trying to brace myself. Trying....to hold onto anything.  The car stops with a jolt.  The first sounds I hear are my friend’s hysterical cries "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."  From the front seat, "Is everyone okay?"  Then I hear deep, shallow breathing.  It is so loud.  I want the breaths to stop.  Then I realize it’s me.  And the air isn't filling my lungs.  Someone is in my face, "Megan, are you okay? Are you hurt? Megan, answer me." My hand is grabbed.  Tears start.  Shallow breathing continues.  I can’t get sounds or words out.  The back seat friend is in my face next, pulling on my hair, saying, "She's in shock. Megan, focus. You're okay." I realize he's pulling glass out of my hair and away from my eyes. Then, a stranger's face in the window. I don't remember the window being rolled down and that's when I realize it's smashed, the glass all over me. The face in window asks again, "Is everyone okay?"  I look at her blankly.  I hear the words, "We’re all fine except for her. We need to call an ambulance."

That's when reality snaps. No. I try again to speak, louder.  Nothing comes out. I practically scream “NO” and I’m asked if I can move my feet and my toes.  I nod.  The ambulance is called.  Breathing hurts.  My parents are called.  I cry more.  They promise to fly if anything serious happens at the hospital.  The paramedics arrive, another face in the window.  The “jaws of life” are used to open the door.  The wooden plastic hard stretcher comes in the car.  A paramedic puts a neck brace on me.  I'm cold.  It's windy.  I don't have shoes on.  I'm lifted into the ambulance.  I can't see anything.  I can't see my friends, the car, or anything.  I just see faces of paramedics who look concerned.  I'm lifted into the ambulance.  Doors are closed.  There's a tickling in my nose.  It’s an oxygen line.  The drive starts.  Forty long eternal minutes later, I’m at the hospital, in the middle of Wyoming.

After x-rays, more tears, blood tests, and laying for hours with that neck brace, I am discharged from the hospital with no broken bones. I thought I'm fine, until I walk.  Every step sends shooting pains through my back and neck.  I can't walk on my own.  We check into a Motel 6 and everyone stares at me as I am helped in bed.  I feel like screaming.  I can't stand their gazes.  I just want everything to be normal.  We stay overnight in Wyoming and I have the first of many sleepless nights to come, unable to get comfortable and stay asleep.

            To this day, I often wake up with slight pain in my back. I recently bought myself an amazing bed and better pillows so I’m not in pain so much anymore. Being in any kind of a car accident makes you realize that that life is short. I was angry, at first.  I was the only one hurt and coincidently the only one not planning on serving a mission.  However, I remember many sleepless nights where I cried out in prayer and was blessed with a few hours of sleep. Nights where I read my patriarchal blessing and knew Christ was there for me, feeling His arms comfort me.  Learning through study and prayer that the accident wasn’t a punishment.  Knowing that He cares for me.  Learning to forgive those.  Learning to have a new perspective on life.

But I keep reflecting this morning about timing.  The timing in my trials and the timing in my life.  And I strongly believe in having faith in God’s timing.  My mapped out “picture perfect” life has been anything but that. When I was in Young Woman’s, I planned to be married and have kids right away after high school…HA. I planned to leave BYU married…HA. I planned to be married first.  I planned to have kids by now…HA HA HA.  My life has been anything BUT what I planned for myself. I mean, I even planned to go live in California for grad school but it seems like that plan has changed too! But I never planned to have struggles with mental health, with depression and anxiety. But the timing of them…wow.

            To read the “full story” of my mental health struggles, you can find that post here. But it amazes me that my struggles started about a year ago.  The hard days still come and I’m learning that self-care really does help mixed with daily medication. But I truly believe that the depression came during that time to prepare me to be OKAY this year. This year has had it’s challenges already (yes, 27 days into January) but I can’t imagine what they’d be like if I hadn’t taken care of myself last year.  I believe they would be harder (And I bet $20 that Ethan is reading this going, “Babe, harder days????).  I believe that I’d have more breakdowns and more struggles with this nasty “winter” we’re having, without snow and with many, many grey days.  I strongly believe that my depression came to humble me, to realize that I can’t do this on my own.  I have a stronger testimony that God is here for us and He cares about everything—from the bad days to the achievements.

            So yes. Trials aren’t fun. I’m not always positive. But life is a gift. Life is a gift that is short. we have like, maybe 90 years? Sitting here as a 24 year old, I can’t imagine 90, that seems like a lifetime away.  However, I believe trials are for our good.  Maybe we will never find the reason.  Maybe we won’t know until after this life.  Maybe we won’t ever know.  But I have to believe that trials are for our good, to help those around me and not to consider myself as a “girl with a hard life.”