Every Easter, I read the same talk about that wonderful Sunday many, many years ago. It's called "Sunday Will Come" by Joseph B. Wirthlin.
I remember the first Easter I read it. I was a junior in college and had a meeting before church. I walked along the BYU campus, noticing the flowers blooming and the birds chirping. I had just read that talk before coming to my meeting and was thinking about how that talk could apply to my everyday life. When I returned home, my roommates were watching a youtube video, which I think is almost everyone's favorite video. I remember crying while watching it...only to go to church and watch it in Relief Society AND Sunday school, crying again. When I watch this video, I just hear the music and my eyes fill with tears and I remember the first few times I watched it.
Today, in relief society, we watched it again. My eyes fill up with tears as usual, but I paid more attention to the words on the screen. Lucky for me, the question our teacher asked after was, "What are the phases or words that stuck out to you because of Him?"
I raised my hand. "I love when the words 'Despairs becomes hope' come up because I don't know how I could have hope during the hard times in my life."
I'm a pretty hopeful person. I look for ways to turn the bad into good, the struggles into triumphs. My heart fills with joy when some of the adolescents at work tell me that I'm an example of positivity. I like to be happy, I like to laugh, and I like to have fun. It's just in my nature.
Unfortunately, over the past six months, I've lost sight of that positive person. I have had to work to be positive. There have been many hard days and challenges that I didn't know how to face. I have had my share days filled with never ending tears. If you've followed my blog, you know that I've had some challenging physical trials thus far and I've conquered them in a way that I thought I could handle any challenge thrown my way. But never had I been thrown such emotionally and mentally challenging trials. I didn't know what to do and I've been lost. I've tried many coping skills and while they solve things for a moment or two, the problems, feelings, and heartaches are still there.
I sat there for the rest of relief society pondering, about how I can face these challenges. I was desperate for some revelation on how to get there these hard times. During Sacrament, I pulled up the talk "Sunday Will Come" that I mentioned earlier. Elder Wirthlin is talking about the crucification of Jesus Christ, which happened on what we now call "Good Friday."
"I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest. But the doom of that day did not endure...
Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."
In the past six months, I've had my share of Fridays. I've had days when I don't want to get out of bed. I've had days that I spend completely alone. I've had days when someone hurts me or I get upset easily. I've had days where I distract myself so much from my problems, I don't know how to cope. I've had days where I drive and drive to get away. I've had days when I don't know how I'm supposed to go on.
And I've had nights when my pillow is soaked with my tears. I've had nights where I turn on music to drown out the negative voices in my head. I've had nights where I don't want to go to sleep for fear of nightmares. I've had nights where I honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring. I've had nights when I cry out to God and wonder if He's really listening. I've had nights when I ask to take these things away, when I ask for peace. I've had some bad nights.
But, this Easter Sunday, I realized and know that Sunday will come. The worst of days and nights have brought me some hope. They've brought me the knowledge that while I think I've suffered alone, I have never truly been alone. After a sacrament meeting full of hymns and testimonies, I feel rejuvenated. I feel renewed. I feel motivated to go on. I have lost sight of what's truly important and I know that there will be hard days ahead. But I also know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Heavenly Friend. Because Christ died on the cross, He suffered for all the pains, problems, diseases, struggles and feelings we all feel. He knows exactly what everyone is going through and that is an amazing thought. I can't comprehend it and no one really can. But I know He has felt the pains I feel, He is ready to lift me up and strengthen me, and He is just waiting for me to ask. I do not have to face this life alone, for Christ really did live again. He experiences the worst things of the world on that Friday in order to know how to help us. He died and because of Him, I have second chances, I have a forever family, and I have the ultimate Example to follow.
