Striving for Perfection

Looking into my blog-o-sphere history, about two years ago, I was feeling unsure what my future and really wanted to be remembered for something great (you can read that post here). I was turning twenty one and I was lost. I had recently come out of a traumatic relationship which ended in my significant other cheating on me. My self-esteem was low, my purpose in life was lost, and I honestly didn't know who I was. I would now label this "crisis" as my first of many "quarter life crises" to come.

Graduated at age 22

No one tells you what life's going to be like in your 20s. All of the sudden, you leave home, go to college and have to make all these huge decisions. No one tells you that society has forgotten to tell you the clear steps to take during this ambiguous time of life: [the official label is "Emerging Adulthood" but what does that mean?] how we're supposed to act, who were supposed to be, who we're supposed to be with, and oh ya, we're supposed to figure out all that when we're in our 20s. In my younger years, I was taught in countless young women lessons, family traditions, and watching the paths of others to go to BYU, find the one, and become a perfect little housewife. I yearned for that goal and assumed it would happen to me like everyone else. 

I obviously wasn't prepared for how my "real life" has turned out.

This morning, I looked through all the articles and videos that I "save" on Facebook. I stumbled upon one called "Hope Works" through mormon.org. The first video is one by a Tiffany Webster called "The Perfect Lie." She talks about how when she was in Sunday School, her teacher asked the question "where do you see yourself in 15 years?" As she listed the place that she saw herself, I realized that's the place I want to be when I was younger. "Graduated from college, married to the man of my dreams. We'll go backpacking Europe the summer before we have five kids, each spread out two years apart. I'll wake up at five AM, work out for an hour. I'll read my scriptures for thirty minutes, the kids will wake up, and we'll have family prayer before my husband goes off to work..." You get the picture, it's the perfect life. But as Tiffany goes on to explain, that is not how her life turned out. 

I totally get what Tiffany is saying in this video. My life has not turned out to perfect in any sense of the word. But then again maybe that's what life IS all about. The twists and the turns, the curveballs, the trials. The celebrations and milestones. The tragedies and blessings. I mean that's what we agreed upon, during the war in heaven. We were eager to follow our Father in Heaven, while we knew that life would be hard. We knew we'd have a Savior and that we could follow His example and become like him after this life. But, as Tiffany says, "my entire life, I've been taught to be perfect. So how could I try any harder?"

All that being said, why did no one tell me that it's normal to have these "quarter life crises" at age 23? Why did no one tell me that my twenties would be challenging but also the most exciting times of my life? Why did no one tell me that it's okay not to be perfect?

I've had my share of struggles these past two weeks. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't "happy-go-lucky" Megan on my birthday, after my amazing trip to Boston that everyone was dying to hear all about, when I returned back to my job that I love and missed, and why, instead, I just felt tears coming.

Instead of turning to everyone like I normally do (which I still did on some nights), I turned to my Savior. I prayed harder than I can remember, sometimes with tears streaming down my face, sometimes unable to get words out, composing myself, and then losing it again. But I knew during those moments that He was listening. He knew every pain I was feeling, every worry I had, and every discouragement that Satan tells me. I received a blessing that told me that the Savior knows everything I'm feeling. He's been through it all, so now you need to turn to Him. I went to church and got another answer through a poem someone shared over the pulpit, ending with 

"No matter what we go through, When we feel we can’t take more Just stop and think about Jesus Christ, He’s been there before!" 

I talked to a friend, who assured me my prayers would be answered. I went to a FHE where the spiritual thought was exactly what I needed to hear. The next day, I served in the temple and got to spend some minutes alone in the celestial room, where I received comfort. I went to institute where I took copious notes because I couldn't get enough of what the teacher [& the Spirit] was trying to teach me. And then I went to work, where I served a patient because of her inability to see. I talked to her, gained her trust, and even read the questions for her test. 

I've been known to be a pretty positive person and I've been known to live life each day to the fullest. This is not always me. I have days where I'm not strong, happy, nor positive. I have days where I feel like giving up. But why stay that way? While the past two weeks have been hard and I still don't exactly know why there were so hard, I feel blessed. I've been taught by the Greatest Teacher. Instead of the education that Tiffany gives (Me+More=Christlike), she learns that Me + Chirst = More. 

I'm not perfect. I cannot strive for perfection like the "perfect lie" we've been taught from our childhood. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to have days where you feel down. It's okay to take a break from life and watch some netflix to destress. It's okay to strive for perfection but we must remember that is not something we will reach in this life. We must remember our Savior is always there for us, on good and bad days. He gave His life to be the ultimate Comforter, Healer, and Helper. We need His help more than we ever know and I'm grateful that I was taught this through answers to prayers.