For those of you new to my blog or are stalking me on Facebook, I tend to use my blogs to figure out my thoughts. And this week, my mind has been running a mile a minute. I'm a sociology major and I'm taking two sociology classes. One is a theoretical family foundations class and the other is sociology of gender. Yes, two very focused elective sociology classes. I was looking forward to the family one more than the gender one but that sure has switched.But this week, both of my classes have focused on feminism. Approaching this topic, I was not interested nor looking forward to attending my classes. It's interesting how they both played out.
In my family SOC class, there is a woman in her 40s taking the class. She's trying to be a social worker but has raised a family already. She was outraged by some of the comments made in the book we were reading, but no one else really had opinions (my professor is all over the place during the 2.5 hour lecture, so I think we were all confused on Wednesday).
But today, in SOC of gender, we spent over 40 minutes of the class time discussing feminism. And when I say discussion, I mean everyone had their hand up, ready to get into the boxing ring and fight to the death...okay not really. But it was a heated discussion! Someone would say something and instantly 5 other hands would shot up, ready to defend their precious views.
I have a really good friend in my class who explained her viewpoint, letting the class know she is a reform feminist. According to the literature, a reform feminist wants equal rights and opportunities for women and men alike, as much as I understand it. No radical "get rid of the genders" or anything like that. We've talked about this a lot this past week and for some reason, I found myself not convinced, even though she was trying to convince me that women and men need the same opportunities (which I thought we had, last time I checked...). But I've thought a lot about it and decided to focus my blog on my views.
I grew up in Valencia, California. I am the oldest girl of four. My parents are active LDS members, my mom is a stay-at-home mom, with her degree in elementary education and my father has a master's in accounting. He works from 5 am to about 5 pm, depending on traffic and what point in my life you'd ask, and comes home at night, still working. Whenever a stranger finds out that my dad is the only male in our family, the saying normally goes "that sounds tough!" and my dad always answers, "I wouldn't trade my girls for the world."If you would have asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I'd answer in a heart beat "a mom," except for when I was younger and I thought being a waitress or working for In-N-Out was the coolest thing in the world (thanks to my uncles, Steven and Kevin, working there). I remember even when we started talking career aptitude tests, I always thought it was kinda pointless because my life dream was to get married and have a family. My high school jobs were always nannying and I feel in love with the kids, even though I recognized that it was hard to be a mom and nannying is hard! But I've always been envious of when the mom comes home and can calm the baby down in a heartbeat. It touches my heart.
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| Helping Lauryn with HW on a road trip! |
My senior year I began to realized that being a mom was super hard. I noticed that my mom was often tired and that the life of a mom seemed tough, the same thing day to day; cleaning, making meals, and taking care of the kids. But one thing I really admired about my mom is that she loved to spend time with us. She wasn't the mom who was excited for her kids to go back to school, she was SAD that day school started because that meant she couldn't see her kids as much as she wanted to, no matter how much of a pain we were. Even watching the hardships, motherhood always seemed attractive to me. I believe in the life before this Earth, I just wanted to be a mom.
All of the sudden, though, I was a senior in high school, about to go to college and trying to figure out what to major in. I loved history so I considered a degree in history. My mom pushed me to try elementary education but I knew I didn't want to be a teacher. I guess I thought my life would be attending BYU for a year or so, only to be swept off my feet by a RM (returned missionary), and start a family.....and get a degree in history. I shaped up a bit, realized I hated history and was lost without a path to go. I needed a new major. Again, I was pushed towards elementary education. I signed up for two sociology classes instead and one last history class. I thought for sure sociology was the major for me and boy, was I right.
So onto my views...in my gender class, we talk about how from birth, we are socialized to be either feminine or masculine Girls are given baby toys and boys are given monster trucks. That's life, that's how it's been and in my opinion, that's how it will always be. And I don't see that as a bad thing.But I go back to my friend in my soc class. I admire this girl so much, as she wants to have a career and be a mother second. And that's fine! I think that's awesome, really. I've been wondering, though, how she got to that point. Was it in her nature, from birth? Or was she socialized to think that way? I can't answer that question for her, but I can answer that question for me.
I believe that it is my nature to be a mother. I have always cared about people, most of the time more than myself. I'll take the time to listen to everyone's deepest care or concern and try to be as sympathetic as possible and let them know that I really care. However, I was also socialized to be a mother. As my mother was a stay at home mom, I just thought that was the way to be. I've had one aunt in my life who has worked as a high school math teacher, but otherwise, all the women role models I've had have been stay at home moms and I think that is one of the most noblest "occupations" there is! It's what I've always wanted to do and what I'd like to still do.
So when both of my classes were focused on feminism this week, I've realized why I'm not convinced that gender equality is a problem. It's because that I believe being a mother is one of the noblest and purest "jobs" in this world. I believe that there is no one more influential in raising the next generation than a mother. In the word's of Harold B. Lee, "the most important of the Lord's work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes" and I believe that is true...for me. I've figured out what works for me and I will stick to that. I've realized that there are many people who will look down on me for that or think that I am limiting myself by being a mom. But I do not believe that.I've always loved this quote from Boy Meets World- "you do your thing, I'll do mine. You go your way, I'll go mine. And if we end up together, it's beautiful." I support careers, I support motherhood. But the second someone tries to convince me to get a career and put a family on hold is the second that we're no longer beautiful, so to speak. I'll respect your views if you respect mine. For me, that's motherhood. For you, that might be a career. And that's great. We need both. We need mothers, strong women, to prepare the rising generation for the evil that the world brings. We need women in careers to teach children that they can do anything they want, regardless of gender norms. We, as a society, need to stop pushing our views on each other. We don't need an army of feminists, but if we never had any, would women be able to vote today? Own property? Our society focuses so much on standing out that those who go with the flow are overlooked. Because of my free agency and ability to be whoever I want, I can conform to the LDS viewpoint of being a mother and that should be just fine with you.
